Making the decision to come out can be a tough one so if your boyfriend tells you he’s gay, there are a few do’s and don’ts that you absolutely must abide by. It may seems like the relationship is going smoothly and you’re doing regular couple-y things like moving in together and taking romantic trips and seemingly out of nowhere he tells you he’s gay. Break-ups are hard but this kind of break up is different.
Here’s how to deal:
- Support him. Like I said, coming out is hard- try not to make it harder for him. Listen to what he has to say and accept it. The two of you have a strong relationship that could lose the romantic element but retain the friendship part. Don’t make him feel guilty telling him he wasted your time by dating you. Be there for him not as a girlfriend but as a friend. It took a lot of courage and trust in you for him to reveal this about himself, don’t make him feel bad about it. If your moral or religious beliefs do not support homosexuality, now is not the time to express those views.
- Don’t blame yourself. He is not gay because you’re bad in bed or couldn’t offer him enough as his girlfriend. Being gay is something he’s always been and cannot change about himself. It’s not his fault and it’s not your fault either. You may feel like he’s gay because of something you did or didn’t do but rest assured that this is not the case.
- Talk it out. Find someone you trust and talk about it. I’m definitely not saying gossip about it but do get some feelings off your chest. Feel free to vent about it and say things you couldn’t say to him about how you feel. Your family and friends are going to wonder why you broke up out of nowhere and you can tell them when you’re ready but make sure you respect you guy’s privacy especially if you have a lot of mutual friends.
- Don’t play matchmaker. Chances are he is not ready to start dating. Adjusting to his sexuality and being out could take a while. Don’t offer to set him up with your totally awesome gay BFF. Just because they’re both gay doesn’t mean they should date. How would you feel if your gay friend met a straight guy and pushed you to date him solely because he was straight? You’d probably be pretty annoyed.
- Don’t cut him out. If you two dated, you must have some chemistry. Not necessarily romantic chemistry but platonic chemistry. Don’t let that slip away. At some point, he meant a lot to you and that doesn’t have to change. You can still be friends, even best friends! After all, he probably knows more about you than most of your other friends because you two dated. Don’t abandon him and don’t let him abandon you.