At first this is very confusing especially if you have never had a hint that your husband is cheating on you. Then you have all these unanswered questions running through your mind. Why is he doing it? Am I not giving him the pleasure he wants? Who is he having an affair with? Why didn’t he talk about the issue that led to him cheating on me? Do I divorce him? What will happen to the kids if indeed we divorce? Do I ask or do I keep silent and pretend I know nothing? The list of questions is endless. It gets to that point where you start doubting yourself. You start blaming yourself for your husband’s cheating habit; if indeed he is cheating.
First, you need to rule out the possibility that you do not use condoms with him. The other question is who did he buy them for? Is he using them?
What do you expect when you ask about the condoms?
When you have caught your husband cheating or once you suspect they are cheating because you have found some condoms in their travel bag, you want him to feel guilty and remorseful. However, each man will react differently and it will also depend on how they feel about the whole thing. Some of the reactions you can expect have been made through observation from men caught cheating.
Although, your husband will not show this reaction at first they are in shock and panic once the wife finds out. Funny enough when your husband is cheating at the back of his mind he knows he will be caught but keeps on hoping that everything will be worked out before you find out. At this moment the first strategy is the way to move forward and move out of the mess. This should be discussed as soon as it comes up however; two possible reactions can be exhibited flight or fight. Your husband might pretend to be upset that you do not trust him and take a flight by storming out. Or he will respond and give answers not truthfully but to fight to maintain your marriage.
Give distance and time.
The most important thing for both parties to do is give time and space to each other. With the distance and time husbands feel remorse about the pain they have caused and a mistake they have made. At first your husband will minimize the actions which led you to suspect they are cheating. With time, if you stick to your ground that you are having nothing short of him calling off the affair, he will call it off. With time he will start feeling remorseful, sorrow and fear.
You have to know that sometimes men cheat as a way of finding answers to their problems to address their doubts and fears. Only when they are caught do they realize the pain they have caused with their actions. Just that this realization sets in too late.
Feelings will differ due to the stage the affair is at.
Some affairs do not come to a natural end as the man would expect. On one hand the wife is furious and resentful and on the other hand the husband is mourning the loss of a relationship and confused at the same time. At this point your husband will be defensive and act indignant. Your husband might want to spend less time answering questions you might have about the affair, all along he is thinking that he is saving you from pain and anger.
Where your boyfriend keeps his condoms tells you more about him
- If the condoms are everywhere this says that the man is in need of sex constantly. A real gentleman will keep this habit from everyone else and so no need to keep condoms everywhere. At least if he is trying to pass on a message he will leave the condoms where you will mistakenly find them and he will have the decency of owning up.
- Packing condoms in the bathroom is just one of the things most men do, but this is a bad idea. Put yourself in the picture where you are romancing with your girl then when its time you have to break the mood to excuse yourself to fetch a condom. If on the way the phone distracts you, that’s it she will have found something else to keep her busy.
- If there is no condoms on sight this is a red flag. If he so does it means he has been having unprotected sex. No explanation will clear this out of your mind