1. Disbelief. You second guess yourself. One day late isn’t that much. Even a week. I’ve been so stressed out lately, that’s probably why. And I did that juice cleanse. That’s why I’m late. It’s probably fine… Ya know, whatever. I’m not gonna get myself worked up over this.
2. Panic. OMG this can NOT be happening! This is the part when you call your best friend and recap over and over again that the guy you’ve been seeing definitely used a condom. Right? Yeah, no, he definitely did. I think? Ahhh! There may be a few tears but your friend will reassure you that you’re fine. You will not believe her.
3. Preparation for the Worst. You start reading all kinds of websites about late periods. You google “what does it feel like to be pregnant.” If you are, you’re ready. You start researching you options and making yourself ready for what you see, at the moment, as totally inevitable.
4. Fear. I CANNOT be a mom right now. This is another freak out phase. Much like stage 2, this stage comes with phone calls to BFFs and true paralyzing anxiety that your whole life is going to change. It’s all you can think about at work as you bite your nails instead of checking your email.
5. Anger. You’re pissed. You’re mad at yourself, you’re mad at the guy, you’re even mad at your ovaries! How could I be so stupid and irresponsible, you think to yourself. How could he get me pregnant, you lament. Let be honest, you’re even mad at the hypothetical little pea-size baby that might be inside you.
6. Acceptance. You come to terms with your possible motherhood. You find yourself daydreaming about how to decorate the nursery a’ la Pinterest or brainstorming baby names. You’re not quite happy with the situation but you feel like there’s nothing else you can do. You accept the challenge of motherhood…skeptically.
7. Relief. YESSSSS! Your period finally comes. It must be that juice cleanse or the stress or maybe your cycle was taking longer to sync up with your roommates’. Whatever it is, problem solved! You probably make some kind of grand statement about never having sex ever again or never ever forgetting to take your birth control at exactly 7 o’clock in the morning. You’re just happy it’s all over. Did you overreact? Nah, of course not….okay, maybe a little.