What’s More Important to You? Great Intimacy vs. Great Sex


We all want great sex, right? I mean, that goes without saying! Who wants mediocre sex? Or what if it was bad sex?! Heck no! We want all the numbers within the fifty shades we feel comfortable with, that suit us the best, and we want them to match up with the very exact same numbers that our lover likes! Yes, that’s what we want! Hands down, that’s it all the way. Nobody wants to be bound and gagged and tied to the ceiling if that’s not our thing, especially if we’ve already had a long, horrific day at work. And here comes your lover with the handcuffs ready the minute you’ve walked through the door. And look at that evil gleam in his eyes. Yeah, and all you can think about, now, is how to get out of this without seeming prudish… or like you want to run!

Yep. That movie opened up a whole can of worms. Some of us could have done without that, thank you very much. It was hard enough getting guys to comprehend the concept of intimacy. Now they all think they’ve got their own DIY video on how to make a woman happy. Oh yay.

So what’s a woman to do?

Well, you’re going to have to have a good handle on that very concept of intimacy you wish your guy had, because you’re probably going to have to guide him through it.

Between the fifty shades, and twerking, and the hideous virtual sexual encounters he’s had via the internet, you’ve got your hands full and then some. There are women who have just given up and thrown in the towel on this one!

You can do this!

Intimacy is everything that makes the difference between having a relationship with someone, and blindly throwing things at each other that you think should make them happy. Someone could get hurt having happiness thrown at them like that. No, seriously, they can.

Because, without intimacy, you are offering up a generic version of what you think a relationship is all about. You are treating that person as a generic lover that you’re going to wedge forcefully into the cubby they don’t necessarily fit into. You know in the back of your mind that you’re struggling to make things fit. But without the concept of intimacy, this struggle is normal for you… and probably normal for your partner.

Oh, the horror of it all!

Intimacy is nurturing, it’s curious and playful, serious sometimes, sexy, sassy, friendly, and comes with a closeness that requires you to slow down and get to know your partner, know what makes them smile, know what it is that brings them pain. I know that sounds difficult with the speed of things today. But it is the one of the most important things you could possibly do.

A couple who is intimate with each other can read what the other is feeling without having to ask, not because they are providing their own generic definition to what it is their partner is going through, but because they have paid attention and learned from their partner what these signals they are receiving from them actually mean coming from them.

Intimacy isn’t ever one sided. The very nature of intimacy requires the participation of both parties. It requires trust that’s been earned. Building trust is yet another side of intimacy. You have to know your partner’s strengths and weaknesses to even know where to begin to build that trust.

Trust comes with a certain amount of generic expectations, but then it blossoms into something very personal, something very unique. When you see that, you have actually glimpsed an intimate detail of what makes your partner who and what they are. And that is only the beginning of intimacy.

People can be found in many situations throwing happiness at others without the necessary intimacy of knowing whether or not it’s the right for that person. Take the time to find out, before you start throwing things, exactly what kinds of things that person would appreciate.

In other words, don’t throw a Disney themed party for your ninety year old Grandmother unless you know for a fact that she’s senile enough to appreciate it. Only then do you know you’ve hit your mark. Intimacy, it makes all the difference in the world.