So you meet this great guy and you’re really into him. He’s sweet and funny and he is just as obsessed with Breaking Bad as you are. He took you on a greatest first date and didn’t wait too long to text you. And he has a dachshund puppy named Buttons! He’s basically perfect- your ideal man.
But here’s the question: when do you sleep with him? You consider the 90-day rule: the one that says you shouldn’t sleep with a guy until you’ve known him for 90 days. Let’s consider some pros and cons.
Pro #1: You will be sure (like really really sure) that you want to sleep with him. After knowing a guy for about 3 months you’ll be able to make an accurate judgment of whether or not he’s worth your time.
Con #1: 90 days is a long time! If you’re really attracted to a guy you’re seeing, waiting 90 days could feel like total torture.
Pro #2: You’ll get to explore other interests together. You might never find out that you like going on jogs with him or trying new recipes together if you hop in bed too soon. The more time you spend developing your relationship, the more intimate sex will be.
Con #2 He could lose interest in you. Waiting three months for something that some girls hand out on a first date might cause him to seek sex elsewhere. But honestly, is this the type of guy you would want to date anyway?
Pro #3: You’ll really want it. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? Deprivation of sex might make it extra sweet when you finally consummate the relationship.
Con #3: You’re a grown woman- you shouldn’t be controlled by a silly rule. 90 days is really arbitrary. Some relationships may take a year to get to a point where both parties are comfortable enough to have sex while others may take 2 hours. You and your partner are adults and should be able to determine how long it takes for you to both feel ready.
Pro #4: He’ll respect you. He might be dying for some action but he’ll respect your choice to wait and know for all-time that you are not easy.
Con #4: It feels like a trial period. To him (and maybe you) it feels like you’re dating on a trial basis and he needs to prove himself for 90 days before you can start dating for real.
Pro #5: You’re past the point of infatuation. After almost 3 months, you can make decisions about sex with your head rather than just your heart. You’re less likely to regret the choice you make if you mull it over for 90 days.
Con #5: It makes sex a commodity. If you treat sex as something that needs to be earned (like a job promotion) then the act will be seen as payment. If you make a guy wait 90 days and then give it up, it’s as if you’re rewarding him for his patience instead of demonstrating your feelings for him; it takes the intimacy out of sex and turns it into relationship currency.