You know it’s for real, now. You caught him—she was all over his phone. It’s one thing for him to have a side chick, and it’s one thing for him to have lied about it, but it’s another thing for you to roll over and take it. You know your relationship is bigger than this, but he needs to cut it out, and cut it out now.
Your man’s already proven that he will lie if he thinks it is in his interest. So how do you proceed? How do you get at the problem? If you contact the side chick yourself…but no, everyone tells you not to. This chick might be just too into him, though, so you have to look realistically at taking the matter into your own hands.
Take a deep breath, and start by seeing this for what it is. That woman is not a mistress, she is not a homewrecker—she’s a side chick. Here are five good reasons why you should be the one to put her in her place.
- Whatever the side-chick’s reaction when you contact her, it’s a win-win for you. If she’s non-confrontational or under confident, you’ll scare the living daylights out of her just for calling. If she’s the aggressive type or has something to prove, she will be the one looking ugly at the end. She’s the one fighting to get in from the outside, and she’ll be the one who looks jealous. You’re already queen of the mountaintop.
- By contacting the side chick yourself, you take the power away from him. Not that you want him to be powerless…but the power he thinks he has is both belittling and unhealthy for the relationship. You don’t come begging for him to love you, you go straight to the source of the problem and contact the side chick yourself. Even-out the power balance in your relationship to show that you are each equal players.
- You will remind him that you are way more important than a side chick, if only indirectly. If you have a kid together, contacting the other woman yourself will also high-light that there are much more important people at home. The side chick is on the outside, she’s not part of your family. She’s not part of the world you and your man have made. Remind him who calls the shots and really takes the stage in his life.
- Whether you already figured out as much from the chats on his phone, or find out later, if your man has been playing himself off as single then stuff is about to blow up. If the side chick didn’t know he is already in a relationship, she’s about to. Conventional wisdom says to stick to the higher ground, but the “other” may not even know she’s part of such a messed-up situation. Just tell her how it is.
- You prove that the choice is yours—whether you stay in the relationship or get out, and whether you tolerate a side chick or stand up to selfish behavior, you are the owner of your destiny. Contacting the side chick shows everyone involved that you will not be victimized, and that you will make your own decisions. What’s more you’ll make them to the tune of what best suits you.
You wanted to get in front of all this, and now you have every reason to. Any one of these five reasons is enough to validate contacting the side chick yourself: exposing her true character, taking the power back in your relationship, reminding him who’s really important, telling her what’s up, and controlling your own destiny.
Once you’ve decided that you want to contact the side chick, collect your thoughts and be sure to come prepared. This does not have to be an attack, and you do not have to be nasty. In all of the above cases, you come out ahead. You are communicating something to your man as much as you are to her, and most of your message comes from your action itself.
Start with a phone call. The unfortunate reality is that writing is often misinterpreted, and may not be “real” enough for the other chick to really pick up what you’re laying down. If she doesn’t answer a call (who does answer unidentified numbers anymore?) you can try calling from your man’s phone.
If you aren’t able to get ahold of the side chick by phone, go ahead and writer her. Let her know that you called, too, to send the message loud and clear that you aren’t messing around. Save pubic postings for last, because the dialogue can become too defensive too fast if she feels like she has to save face on social media. And contacting her in person? Only for the bravest! Pick your path, and make it happen.