How to keep things spicy and hot with a house full of kids

So, your house is full of kids. Maybe they’re yours; or, maybe some are yours and some are his. Maybe you’re the cool aunt who is hosting nieces and nephews for the summer, or maybe you are new grandparents. Whatever the case, a house filled with kids will be difficult to navigate. Aside from all the comedy and daily to-do for taking care of the litter, another resounding reality hits home when you tuck yourself in at night: that flame has definitely been doused.

For concern of being discrete, and for simple exhaustion, many couples struggle to keep things spicy and hot with a full house. But you still have your needs! Worse yet, you love those kids so much that you don’t want to feel bad about them being around when you remember those day-long sessions you use to have around an empty house.

If you long to keep things spicy, or need to heat things back up, first be honest with yourself about what you want and need. And, as long as we’re breaking this down, let’s define spicy versus hot and get to thinking about them:


Spicy is to flirt. A spicy love affair is to find yourself smiling without realizing you were. That feeling of warm pricklies up and down your body as the soundtrack to your fantasies kicks in? That is spicy.

What an advantage in disguise! You might not have thought of flirting when you longed to make things “spicy” again, but that’s really where it’s at. Spending a little more time flirting and a little less time heavy-petting is an advantage in disguise. Were you even flirting anymore? Had you lost touch with how to flirt together, after all that time doing whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted at home? Get back in touch with your flirtatious side, and you will be shocked how much richer every part of it becomes.


Okay, so you want to heat things up. You want things to get hot all over again. A relationship that’s hot has the ultimate gratification – when you go to bed and get to it, it’s good. It’s so good that you don’t know what hit you.

So how do you heat things up again? Think back to what was so exciting when you were younger. Were there other times where you had to sneak around or be discrete? Any dorm rooms, or the back of that 1987 Oldsmobile with your high school sweetheart? Having to tip-toe isn’t a bad thing! To heat things back up, draw out your giggly adolescent and get creative to find (or make) the opportunity for some private time.

It’s this simple: get back into flirting, and see how much cleverer you can be now than you were as a kid. Amuse yourself. Amuse your boo. The cleverer the flirtation the better, because the kids won’t even pick up on it. And to get things hot again? Tap your inner adolescent and let loose! We guarantee it will be a lot more exciting than breaking curfew use to be.

Here are some high-level tips to keep things extra spicy and hot:

Aim for better sex, not more sex. Perhaps that inner adolescent does you a disservice if you take it too far, because you might just want more and more. But realistically, you won’t have a lot of time; it’s not just about when you’ll have the house to yourself, but how many things you have to do with so many kids running around. Make it count when you do have the time. The good stuff carries you much further than the quick stuff.

How much have you been kissing? The answer is almost always “not enough.” So many couples skip the necking, and foreplay in general. Especially when you feel pressured for time, it’s hard to convince yourself that it’s worth it to get really into the foreplay. The payoff is much more potent if you do, however, and foreplay can often be pretty quiet – so you can get started without any worry at all about getting caught. Unless you have some wild tactics, just making out can be a totally quiet way to start off making things that much hotter.

With enough flirting and foreplay, the buildup to your special rendezvous can be totally divine. It can be intoxicating and invigorating. Why settle for less?

They say sex changes as you age, and that it gets better. Having a house full of kids is part of getting older, too, so the two don’t have to be mutually exclusive. This doesn’t have to be about “keeping” things spicy as much as it is about enjoying this new phase. Rewire your brain, and cross some of those adolescent wires with some of your adult ones. You will be surprised the different it makes.