While giving an ultimatum is not always the answer, knowing what you are willing to put o with in your life is. This is because often no matter the ultimatum you give it is going to turn out bad eventually. Let us take a look at why.
Not only can you not change the true nature of an individual, no matter how much they love you it is next to impossible for them to change their true nature. If you are dealing with a habit or a behavioral issue that can be changed and is not tied to their “nature” then you may be ok with professional help. If it is something more sinister like emotional, financial, physical or sexual abuse, public humiliations ore cheating then it is best to skip the ultimatums and move in immediately.
The only things in a relationship that you have control of is your actions, what you accept into your life, your reactions and the way you handle other people. You; that is all you have control over. If you want to change someone then you need to let them go. Somewhere out there they will find another person to love them for all that they are, and you will find another person that you can love like you are searching to. Anything else is settling.
A healthy relationship should never come down to threats or ultimatums. However, if you re tied to this person through marriage or children then maybe you need to know that you did everything that you could. If you cannot adjust the acceptance levels or beliefs on your end then maybe an ultimatum is the only way. Still, do not hold out hope for the long haul, because chances are you will be issuing the same ultimatum later down the line, and every time you do he will get the idea that it will all be consequence free again and again.
Women who are empowered or have a take charge outlook do not have the patience to debate the same issues again and again. There has to be consequences or you have to move on. Otherwise it will exhaust and drain you both mentally and spiritually.
What if the ultimatum is about getting married?
A gentle nudge is better than an ultimatum, but if you have nudged him to the edge of the cliff then maybe it is time to tell him what’s what. Some guy’s need a little push, but be careful of you may send them running in the opposite direction. Before you issue an ultimatum, have an understanding of how you think your guy will react. Even then it is a gambol.
Be prepared to follow through or you’ll lose a lot of respect alongside all of your credibility hence creating a monster. Don’t send out messages that you won’t back up. If your ultimatum backfired (and it does happen) at least you know where you stand. If you were to that point anyways, as difficult as it may be, maybe it is time to move on. After all, do you want to remain with someone who will not commit? Was that not the point in the first place?
After a year and a half into a relationship commitment on some higher level should be considered. Meet in the middle, and consider a long but official engagement if it makes him feel more comfortable. Both sides have to give a little to turn an ultimatum into a compromise. Be aware, some guys will call your bluff, but if he loves you he will try to find that middle ground. If he doesn’t then ask yourself, is he even worth your tears? Furthermore, how will he handle other big decisions and relationship issue’s in a long term commitment?
Look, this is a bad idea if you are in a young relationship. You need to give it time, because a lifetime commitment is serious. However, if you have been with him 5 years, you have a child and there is no sign of a commitment then something may be wrong. Either you have to be willing to accept it like it is or move on, because this is probably not going to change.
If you really want him to know you are serious but you do not want to scare him off them try to override desperation or impatience with level headed understanding and unconditional love. Be direct without issuing threats, and do not expect him to become a mind reader.
Open the floor with a more gentle approach that is inviting him to propose rather than seeming aggressive. If he does not respond like you had hoped let it go for now, and try again a bit more directly in a few weeks. If at that point it is not taken seriously you may want to rethink other options or consider what type of relationship you will be willing to deal with without actually settling.