If you are considering dating someone with kids seriously kudos to you. These are special women that know love on levels that women without kids cannot fathom. They also know sacrifice and responsibility. These are women who for the right man will offer her world, and what a world it is. Children are amazing, but remember when you enter into a relationship with her it is not only her heart at stake.
Dating someone with children takes a real man to step into their lives on a serious level. If your intentions are not pure it is important to be upfront from the start, and do not meet the children if you are not prepared to be an active part in their life. Even “dating” exclusively means having some responsibility to them emotionally. This is not an impossible feat, but it is a real responsibility.
If you really like her then don’t be scared, and don’t run for the hills when you hear about the kids. Believe in your ability to love them all, and take the journey into what could turn out to be an amazing relationship.
These are the main unwritten rules for dating someone with children:
1. Trust is essential.
When you are dating a person who has children trust is a key ingredient to being happy. You cannot allow jealousy to come into play when the ex comes to visit his/her kids. You also cannot question them when they say that the cant go out because their kids have assignments or are sick. You have to understand that they wont be able to go out as much unless it is a family affair, because their kids need them at home more than you need a private dinner and a movie. You cannot be selfish or jealous at all. A woman, or at least none worth having, will ever choose you over her children.
You have to be honest about your feelings in the situation. Being able to communicate is fundamental, so do not put off what is on your heart when the time presents itself to be honest. Note that there are some conversations appropriate for the company of children and some that aren’t, and it is important that you respect that. Make sure you are also taking the time to listen, sometimes that is the best thing you can do for a single parent.
3. It is not that big of a deal! Don’t make it one.
While communication is great always talking about the fact that she has children is not ok. The last thing that you want to do is make her feel like her kids are somehow an inconvenience, and if they are then you are in the wrong relationship. This is not a competition nor should it be. Be supportive and understanding. She needs you and so do they. The last thing that you ever want to do is make a child feel alienated or like he or she is losing mom. Join in but don’t take over, and try to be their friend.
4. Do not meet the children until you know you are ready.
A lot of times it is suggested to meet them right away, but you do not want to get involved in their lives until you know that you are there to stay. After all, if there is a break up it hurts them all and not just mom.
This is not the easiest relationship type to enter, but it is often one of the most rewarding. Just remember, she won’t have the time or energy that the single women in your life had, but she will be on a whole other level in so many more ways.
This can be an enriching time in your life. You may discover your heart is overflowing with love for her and her kids. There will be a lot of changes like dealing with the ex, and drying tears but they are all worth it. This is not always easy, and sometimes it can even be overwhelming but the rewards are so abundant. The number one rules are to never play with a mother’s heart and never ever try to come before her kids.