Having sex is a complex issue when it comes to relationship dynamics, even with two people. There’s the concern over one’s looks, there’s worry about catching feelings, and there’s also the issue of trying to deal with the aftermath of it. When you add a third person into the mix, it can be pretty intimidating, to say the least.
MUST READ: Yay or nay: Don’t even think about a threesome until you read these 6 tips
MUST READ: Harder Baby: Why Do Some Women Like To Be Choked During Sex?
MUST READ: Relax Babe! What to do when he’s threatened by sex toys
If you were recently asked to be a third in a threesome, you probably have a lot of questions you want to ask. Being a third in a threesome isn’t easy, especially when you take into consideration all the little subtleties that your partners may have. Not sure where to begin? This guide will help you out.
Before You Say Yes
It is really tempting to say “yes” immediately after being propositioned, but that’s not always the best thing to do. A botched threesome could lead to serious consequences, including destroyed friendships and even public humiliation. Before you say yes, ask yourself the following questions:
- Are they people you trust to be emotionally intelligent enough to handle a threesome? If you don’t trust them to be able to handle feelings that can arise from a threesome, you shouldn’t sleep with them.
- Are they people you trust to be open? You will need to communicate a lot during a threesome. Can you trust them to set limits?
- Do these people respect you? Some couples don’t respect threesome thirds. If you’re dealing with this kind of couple, it’s best not to deal with them at all.
- Are they willing to discuss safe sex? If they can’t talk about STDs or condom use, you shouldn’t have sex with them.
After You Say Yes
Since threesomes are complex events, it’s a good idea to make sure that you talk things out before you get to the bedrooom. Topics you should discuss include:
- Consent. Are you okay with getting penetrated? Are they okay with hitting it with you? Every act that could happen during your threeway should be talked over with both parties present.
- Safe Words. Safe words are a must when it comes to threesomes, simply because of how quickly things can go south. Before you have your roll in the hay, make sure to create a safe word people can use to immediately stop the play if someone becomes uncomfortable with what’s currently happening.
- Birth Control. Nothing is worse than having a threesome, only to have it followed by a positive STD test or pregnancy. In order to avoid the risk of serious long-term issues, it’s important to talk about condom use and sexual health.
During The Act
In threesomes, there are a lot of details and unspoken expectations that need to be addressed. While you’re having your fun, these quick tips will help you make the most of it:
- When in doubt, focus on the girl. Believe it or not, a lot of women tend to get jealous when they get into a threesome with their partners. The best way to curb jealousy-related issues, as a female third, is to focus on the girl instead of the guy.
- Foreplay is a must, regardless of gender. Whether you’re pleasing two guys or two girls or a hetero couple doesn’t matter. Everyone, and I mean everyone, needs a little foreplay in their lives.
- Try to share your time as equally as possible in all other cases. As a third, your job is often going to be about getting both partners to cross the finish line.
- Communicate. Don’t be afraid to ask them to do something or encourage them to do that one little thing that gets you off. Good sex doesn’t happen without communication!
- Unless it’s priorly agreed on, never “lock out” a partner. In a threesome, “locking out” means excluding a partner from access to a sexual act or having the threesome devolve into “sex with a third person watching.” This is the easiest way to make a threesome turn foul and cause drama later on.
- If someone gets “performance anxiety,” brush it off. Sometimes, men can’t “rise to the occasion,” if you know what I mean. Should this happen as a threesome kicks off, don’t make it worse for the guy. Brush it off and suggest that everyone drink some wine instead.
- Read social cues. A threesome is a delicate situation and many people aren’t 100% comfortable with openly calling things off. If you notice a worried or reticent expression on a person’s face, pause and ask if it’s okay.
- Be oral. Oral sex during a threesome is a great thing. It’s better to give than to receive.
Afterward
Once the threesome is over with, there’s very little left to worry about. That being said, etiquette is still a thing. Here’s how to be a better third after the fact…
- If the threesome ended with a safe word, cease sex and immediately check on both partners to see how they’re feeling. Offer to get them water, ask if there’s anything you can do to help them out, and if you need to, get dressed to help get them out of that headspace.
- Don’t use the threesome as an excuse to bang one of the two afterward. This is considered to be a form of “locking out,” and many couples would consider this to be homewrecking.
- Thank them and compliment them both. Everyone enjoys compliments and hearing how much fun you had.
- Don’t make it awkward. It’s normal to feel a little awkward about it all the morning after it happens. It’s often best to act like it’s a regular day to help alleviate any weird vibes.
Even though you might want to turn it into a regular thing, don’t be disappointed if it’s not in the cards. Though many couples claim to be open to a “regular meetup,” the truth is that very few are really willing to make threesomes a frequent occurrence. In fact, for most couples, it’s a “one and done” situation. This doesn’t have anything to do with you; it’s just the fact that it’s a lot to take in for most people. Don’t blame yourself if it doesn’t happen again.
