When it comes to modern dating culture, few things have been as heavily destigmatized as a one night stand. Tinder made having one-nighters easy, even making it to the point of it being almost trendy to have them.
Unfortunately, we all still have a little traditionalism in our minds and hearts. Some might even say that random flings are a red flag. Do you feel like you should be worried?
How Many One Night Stands Does the Average Person Have?
The jury is still out on this one. The most recent study suggests that typical American men have seven ONS’s (one night stands) while women only have six. However, there’s data that suggests that people are lying about how many flings they’ve really had. So, take it with a grain of salt.
What Does a One Night Stand Mean to a Guy?
Honestly, not much to a typical guy. It’s sex, and there’s not really any feelings attached. It’s not like your guy is actively wishing about running away with a random blonde he met in a bar five years ago.
However, there is something to be said about ONS and men who have a lot of them. Many men who are insecure about their ability to attract women or who feel “unmanly” try to validate themselves through sex.
If you’ve been getting a feeling that he doesn’t feel likeable or attractive, then a high body count could be a symptom of something toxic in their mentality. But don’t worry, we’re going to get into that a little bit more later on.
How Often Do One Night Stands Turn Into Relationships?
This is another “grey area” as far as statistics go. Some psychologists believe that around a third of all relationships start off as a one night stand. If Tinder would have you believe it, it’d seem pretty legit.
We’re not so sure. These “one night stands” aren’t usually one-nighters, but rather, an ongoing friends with benefits situation that gets deeper over time. One thing that should be noted is that one-night stands are less likely to result in actual marriage than actual dating. So if you’re hoping for him to put a ring on it, don’t be so sure it’ll happen.
What Does It Mean When You Have Multiple One Night Stands?
Like with all things relationship-oriented, the subtext is where you can figure out what all the one night stands mean. After talking to your man, you might be able to notice something about him in one of these categories based on his reactions.
The Free Spirit
A lot of it is cultural. Some people are just into having a fling, and view life as a carefree thing. Men are more likely than women to find random sex to be socially acceptable. To people like this, it’s just a little fun. As long as they were single and the others were single, there’s not an issue here.
This kind of attitude often comes from having parents who are very sex positive, or from living a lifestyle where sex isn’t really that glorified. This might look alarming, but it’s really not. It’s just a different way of seeing things.
The Guy Who Sowed His Wild Oats
While this is kind of a holdover from the world of toxic masculinity, it’s not necessarily that bad a thing. A surprising number of men tend to feel like they need to experience what it’s like to have a little wild time in their life before they settle down. Heck, women can get this way too.
If your man claimed his one night stands were a way to “let it all out,” then you might want to believe him. Sometimes, people go through phases. It’s just how it happens, especially since we live in a culture that’s all about the fear of losing out.
The way we’re going to frame this is simple: it’s better to get it out of your system and realize that one night stands aren’t what they’re cracked up to be, rather than sit around and wonder what could have been.
The Toxic Man
However, a lot of men have a belief that more sex means they’re more manly. When this happens, guys go overboard on sex to prove to themselves or others that they’re “the man.” This is an extremely toxic mindset that reduces women to tools of validation. That is and should be a red flag.
This is usually paired with very misogynistic streaks. It’s not uncommon for a guy with these issues to slut-shame women for doing the exact same thing he’s doing. If you notice this, RUN! Chances are that his possessive and hateful behavior will only get worse from here.
The Sex Addict
Sometimes, an extreme number of one night stands can also indicate a sex addiction. It’s up to you to determine if there are other signs that suggest a sex addiction. For example, if you notice that he consumes a lot of porn, requests sex three times a day, and constantly talks about sex, you might have an addict on your hands.
Should I Be Concerned of All the One Night Stands He Has Had?
Yes and no. If you have a suspicion that your boyfriend’s one-nighters are a result of a toxic mindset or sex addiction, you should rethink your relationship. (Actually, breaking up is a good idea here.)
However, having a lot of one night stands doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a bad guy. If anything, it may make him more sexually mature and open-minded in bed. It all depends on what his attitudes towards sex and your relationship are.
If he loves you, it won’t matter how many women or men he’s been with before. He’s there for you and he’ll be loyal to you. It’s just that simple.
The Trap Most Girls Fall Into
Believe it or not, a guy that has multiple one night stands does have a risk of a specific type of breakup: insecurity-related issues. Many women feel intimidated by the number of partners their partner had, and start acting out as a result.
One thing you do NOT want to do is assume that he will compare your sexual experience to others. It’s a common concern that girls have—a niggling “what if I’m not good enough?” Though it can be hard to quash, you need to remind yourself that he chose to stay with YOU.
It takes a certain type of person to be okay with a partner who has a significantly higher number of partners than them. That type of person is confident, mature, and also smart enough to realize if a relationship is actually worth it or not.
When Should You Cut Him Out Of Your Life?
A man with a lot of one-night stands isn’t always a red flag, but it can be under the right circumstances. These common signs suggest that it’s time to bail on your boy and find a healthier partner for yourself:
- You know for a fact that he doesn’t think highly of women who have a high number of flings. The double-standard that many men have might be common, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good thing. Usually, double standards come with a feeling of male entitlement and lots of emotional immaturity. You might want to bail.
- There is a lot of evidence that he has no interest in stopping his flings. Do you catch him constantly ogling women? Has he actively flirted with others in front of you? If so, chances are that he has a sex addiction. Oh, and he’s also a jerk who doesn’t seem to understand the very basics of respect.
- Something doesn’t feel right about his claims. Some men play off real relationships as one night stands, or cover up cheating with tales of “just a friend.” Ladies who find out the guy’s true number from others would be wise to bail. There’s no way to have a healthy relationship without trust.
- The flings happened during your relationship and you only found out after someone else told you. First off, this is cheating. Second of all, you don’t know whether their partners have an STD. This is a huge red flag no matter who you are or how you feel about monogamy.
- He flipped out when he heard you’ve had kinky exploits or former partners. This suggests that he has serious misogynistic views that you can’t reconcile. Since this is one of those things that can be a warning sign of abuse, it’s best to dip before it gets worse.
- You’ve told him what you don’t want in bed, but he keeps pushing for it anyway. This is not okay, ever. If you don’t feel comfortable and happy in bed, then you shouldn’t be having sex with your partner. Being manipuated into sex is never okay, and if he’s done a lot of one night stands with others, this could suggest predatory behavior.
- Philosophically or morally, you have something against casual sex. There is nothing wrong with having sex, but there’s also nothing wrong with feeling uncomfortable with having a lot of sex. If it’s not your style or makes you uncomfortable, then there’s no reason to continue the relationship. You’re fundamentally incompatible.
Do Guys Ever Regret One Night Stands?
This is a common question that girls have, and the truth is that they can. Many men have regretted a one night stand due to the aftermath of said one-nighter. Whether it’s because the girl got too clingy, the girl got pregnant, or something else entirely remains to be seen.
How Can You Tell If He Regrets A One Night Stand With Someone?
Believe it or not, most men will be very upfront about whether or not they regret a roll in the hay with someone. The signs are pretty obvious. They may refuse to acknowledge the fact that it happened, or they may have a clear look of embarrassment if you ask about a certain fling with a person.
In many cases, a guy who had a highly regrettable one night stand might openly admit that it was a bad decision. This is particularly true if the fling in question is common knowledge and he can’t deny it.
Finally
If your boyfriend has a lot of one night stands under his belt, then it’s normal to get a little concerned. The important thing to realize is that having lots of flings doesn’t always mean your boyfriend will be a philanderer. If you’re getting worried, take a look at the whole situation before you get too anxious—and then figure out what you want to do.
One night stands are not as bad a thing as they once were. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t raise an eyebrow and be right to do so. At the end of the day, he’s your boyfriend and you know him pretty well.
Related Questions
1. Why does it matter the amount of one night stands that my boyfriend has had?
Honestly? It doesn’t unless it’s a symptom of something else. There are plenty of men and women out there who have had dozens of random flings but still remain capable of having a happy, healthy relationship.
2. What is the average number of guys a girl slept with?
It’s hard to take solid data about flings, since many people tend to fudge the numbers. However most women claim to have slept with approximately seven men throughout their lifetimes. With that said, it’s important to take this information with a grain of salt.
3. Is having multiple partners wrong?
Nope! There is absolutely nothing wrong with having multiple partners as long as everyone is on the same page about the arrangement and everyone is doing everything safely. With that said, having multiple partners takes a very specific type of personality, so if you aren’t sure a person is cut out for it, don’t try to talk them into it.
