This is something many women have to deal with. Maybe you have children with your ex, or maybe you run in the same social circles. A lot of people share friends and similar interests. Unless you plan on relocating you will eventually have to deal with your ex, and that means possibly seeing them with another person.
The end of a relationship is not always pretty, and neither is the drama that follows. Still, you don’t want to turn a wedding or your child’s ballet recital into a brawl. You have to learn not coexist, and the tension of unresolved conflict can cut like a knife. The first thing you have to do is be ok with you without him. Being personally secure and at peace with yourself are the main medicines you need to get through. Also, be mindful that revenge or using people to spite your ex are never advised. This will actually backfire and can become an embarrassing or painful situation.
There are some cases where emotional or physical abuse may have been involved. For instance, men or women in a relationship with a narcissist may have lived years in silence while his loyal fans looked at you and shook their heads. These are particularly hard cases because oftentimes the secret taunting continues. They will take you to the brink of insanity making you look like the problem. This is an area that you may want to opt out of the event you know he or she will be attending. If you can’t opt out them have a support system with you. These charismatic people would never allow anyone to witness the abuse, and you have an emotional stabilizer to help you hold it together.
If it was an ugly diverse and you have children you have to learn how to co-parent in a healthy manner. That is true whether you attend the same functions or not. Do not avoid them at all costs. You are not expected to mingle or have in depth conversations but politeness is mandatory both to him and his companion of choice. Your children have to have that. They deserve to have both parents present at important events, and neither of you should have to give up friends because of your personal issues. Learning to co-exist is essential. It can actually be healing, though rarely easy at first.
Maybe you don’t have ties to the person, but you run in the same social circles. If it is still too difficult for you then make your appearances and move on to another event. You do not have to torture yourself, but you have to understand that you only have control of your comings and goings. You cannot be angry because he or she is at the same event. You however can opt to leave. Eventually you won’t be so bothered and things will come back to some sort of normalcy.
It is never easy at first despite the circumstance or ties, but it will get easier. The trick is to face it head on with your head held high. You can cry later into your pillow in the privacy of your own home. You have to move through the pain, anger and over the betrayal for your own emotional and social health. Holding on to pain or hurt is toxic to you on many levels, and once you get through it all you will look back and laugh. In the meantime just love yourself, and don’t let them see you tremble. Smile, laugh and have fun and eventually you won’t have to try so hard to do those things because they will come naturally again.
