Here it goes, your daughter just asked you the big question. No, she is not getting married, she has just asked if her boyfriend could spend the night. Let’s take time to study this answer before you answer. We can all agree that this is a tough question for all parents. You have clicked on the right articles. Here is everything that you should know about whether you should let your daughter’s boyfriend spend the night.
Can he?
Before saying no, think about it. Your daughter’s boyfriend is only allowed to sleepover once they are eighteen.
What Does Saying Yes Result in?
A parent’s job is not easy. They face the toughest questions. It’s also important for their children to grow up to be responsible adults. Once they are in their teens there is no keeping them away from serious topics like drinking, sex, and driving.
What advice do you want to send your daughter — that no unmarried adults can ever share a room? Too frequently we act reflexively, arguing that kids shouldn’t be authorized to see something that eventually they will have to learn about. That’s what everyone says and it seems right But situations like your daughter asking if their boyfriend can stay over are good at forcing us to prioritize our values, beliefs, and enforcement thereof.
Have Trust
The #1 element of any family is trust. Sit down and have a conversation. Be firm. Ask her everything about her boyfriend staying over for the night and the intentions. It’s okay to check up on them but it is necessary to make ground rules.
Did You Have the Talk Yet?
This is a great time to talk. Once those double-digit years happen, there’s no getting around the topic of sex. She needs to understand everything about sex. Let her know the consequences and outcomes of it. Remind her of all the precautions, especially the importance of wearing a condom.
Don’t make the conversation uncomfortable. It actually strengthens the bond between the parents and the child. However way you answer, and the daughter could expect either answer, they know that you are only looking out for them.
Of course, that is scenario #1. Your daughter could erupt like a volcano because you did not allow their boyfriend to sleep over. Again, as we mentioned, being a parent is difficult. Be firm. Talk about why you don’t think it is a good idea for their boyfriend to spend the night.
Ask About Her Relationship
Here’s where you should talk about her relationship. How long has she been in this relationship before. Are you just now hearing that your daughter is in a relationship? If the only reason why your daughter wants to have a sleepover with her boyfriend is due to sex, then you may want to reconsider.
Make sure that your daughter is comfortable in the relationship. It’s also not a bad time to meet the boyfriend. Sleepovers are not allowed if you have not yet met this guy who she is dating. Relationships are not okay if the guy is not treating your daughter respectfully. Guys who pressure their girlfriends are a warning signal.
Tips for When You Talk to Your Daughter
Communication is valid. Every parent and child needs to communicate with one another. Topics like these are the right time to sit on the couch and talk through it like adults.
- Listen
Listen. Listen to everything they have to say. Talking over them is not going to help. You may not coincide with what they say but give them a chance to talk to you. Give them the respect they deserve and listen.
- Avoid Judging Them
Remember what you taught your child since they were growing up. Never judge a book by its cover. Aside from your child, never judge yourself. Nobody is going to punish you for your decision.
- Be Realistic in Your Decisions
Let’s be real. Times have changed. The world is not like how you grew up. Because you did not do something does not mean that your daughter can’t do it. Don’t have rules that your daughter may not live up to.
- Don’t Talk at Your Daughter
Talk to your daughter. Sometimes simple communication goes a long way with expanding a relationship with your daughter. Understand all sides.
- Respect
You want to be respected, too. So, respect your daughter. Not only are you entrusting your daughter, but your daughter has to trust their parents. Parents want what is best for their kids. Make the rules so that they will understand.
- Compromise all Details
Maybe you can negotiate with your daughter so she does not have to lie and go behind your back. It’s a better scenario to understand where your daughter is and that she is safe than in danger.
- Are They Sleeping Over for Sex?
An embarrassing question, but it is important to ask. Sometimes they just want to relax or get to know their boyfriend better. All relationships need foundations. And couples need to understand everything about each other.
- Trust
Trust your teen and do not control them. Being controlled is the last resort that your daughter wants to feel. Let them enjoy freedom. If you have prepared them about right from wrong, then trust that your daughter to make smart choices. They will be honest with you not about just sleeping over at their boyfriend’s house, but on other issues.
- Teaching Your Daughter the Value of Respect
It’s important to talk to your daughter about respect. That is more prominent than controlling them or allowing them to sleepover.
Reasons Not to Allow the Sleepover
- How Old is Your Daughter?
In the opening of the article, we said that daughters should not be permitted to have sleepovers with their boyfriends until they are eighteen. Your daughter is not yet emotionally mature to have a sleepover with their boyfriend (AKA. have sex). Some kids are in a hurry to grow up so now is the time to warn them about their behavior.
- Different Beliefs
All families come from contrasting cultures, grew up differently, or have personal/religious beliefs. However, beliefs may not have anything to do with your decision. I know that we are making your head turn in many directions, but there is a lot that you should be aware of.
- Abusive Boyfriend
Never let your daughter continue dating their boyfriend if you see them strike or control your daughter. That is not acceptable. Don’t let them sleepover if you know they are bad for her. Just tell your daughter that you don’t want them in your house.
Should I Allow Them to Sleep in the Same Room?
A parent struggles with their consciousness with the fact that not sharing the same room is condoning this new stage of your daughter’s relationship. Let’s look at this scenario of your daughter sleeping in her room and her boyfriend sleeping on the couch. You’re going to be up the entire night anyway. Separate rooms give them the privilege to sneak around all night.
Ask yourself if putting them in separate rooms and pretending that they would stay in separate rooms is the best decision. Does allowing them to sleep in the same room and even the same bed make it feel more wrong? Honestly, yes, a little bit.
Does This Sleepover Involve Sex?
There are plenty of reasons why your daughter shares a room that doesn’t involve sex. Sharing a room allows your daughter and her boyfriend to talk about issues in privacy. If they’re both in college, they don’t have the expenses to get a hotel room.
Staying over is also another reason for them to get to know you. Bring yourself back to the years when you dated your partner. Meeting the parents is beneficial because then they have your respect.
How is a Teaching Lesson?
Families have history. Dating is a big step. The main reason is that it will give your daughter a learning experience if they really like this guy.
Waiting Until They Have Their Own Place
Okay, we understand that we are skipping ahead a few years, but once the relationship is serious enough that they want to live together, then it is okay. They’re adults. Living together is a good thing that helps broaden the relationship.
Go Along With Your Heart
There is no right or wrong answer in this decision. It is a family issue. It’s okay to be happy for your daughter and her boyfriend. And it’s okay to be uncomfortable with it.
As the parent, you are going to walk down difficult roads. Decide based on how you feel. Why type of parent are you? Most parents are unprepared for this question, so you are not alone. Whatever you choose, just keep your cool and stay open-minded.
Parents and teen daughters will most likely be embarrassed approaching the subject. Just keep your line of communication open and you won’t go far wrong.
