So you just discovered that your boyfriend has a child or even children he never mentioned to you, you must be heartbroken and feel betrayed. However, you should understand that most men hide this type of information from their dates until they are sure she is capable of processing it.
Would you have agreed to date him in the first place when you found out he has a child? Maybe he was scared of losing you and didn’t want the children to become a barrier in the relationship. However, you should confront him and find out why he had to put away such type of information from you.
If you find out that his reasons where genuine, then instead of nagging him silly, you should brace up for the challenges ahead. Dating a guy with kids is not easy. The kids are a big part of his life so you should expect his attention to be divided. However, there are things you should know about guys with kids; the following tips will help you get along with your man and his kids:
The Children Come First
No matter what you feel, the man will always love his kids and will put them first in all he does. You need to understand and respect his decisions about that and try not to fight for the man’s attention. The kids were there before you came into the picture.
So, if you value the relationship and want it to last, recognize the place the kids occupy in the man’s life. When you go out with a man who loves you more than his kids, you may end up being frustrated. Allow him enjoy his kids and his love for you will grow each moment.
However, do not date a man who uses his kids an excuse for not seeing you. If he were in love with you, he would do everything possible to be with you, even if it means temporarily leaving his kids.
Don’t Meet the Kids Until They Are Ready
Sometimes, kids find it difficult to accept and adjust when their dad is dating a new woman. The thought of that alone can send a chill down their spines.
They would prefer things to stay as they were and not affected by the change. Their reason is that they want a safe and predictable environment which is entirely the normal way kids think. Don’t be in a hurry to meet those little guys. Take your time and things will not spiral out of control.
Naturally, the kids will one day want to meet the woman their dad is involved with. Don’t ask too many questions on your first meeting; that can scare them aware.
Never Try to Play Mother Immediately
No kid is without a mother either living or late, so don’t think you can quickly play the role of mother. Find the best way to come into their lives gradually and when it is a matter of discipline, let the man handle it.
The kids will soon begin to give you some respect and seek counsels from you as well. However, if you don’t have it easy with the kids at first, don’t be discouraged, it is normal. Be careful not to order them around, unless you want to meet eternal opposition.
The House Belongs to Them
The house is not yours, so mind how you come in and go out. Dating their dad doesn’t automatically mean the house now belongs to you. If the kids see you too often, they may begin to dislike you. Respect their right to privacy and don’t deprive them of their favorite TV programs.
Having a proper understanding of what you should will spare you those headaches associated with dating a man with kids. Learn to think and feel like a parent and your relationship with that man will go smoothly. If you love your man and want to keep dating him or even want to take it to the next level, make sure you follow the guidelines. You will not only succeed, but you will also win the friendship of some fantastic young people.
