In a past relationship, I had a guy who loved to watch porn. This would normally be okay with me, except for the fact that the ladies in the videos looked (and acted) nothing like me. It was nerve-wracking and eventually started to affect my confidence in the relationship. Eventually, I confronted him and asked him what gives.
Guys, he started to laugh!
My boyfriend explained to me, in very simple words, that porn isn’t real life. I felt flustered, and realized he was right. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that there are reasons why most men don’t want to date a “porn star” type of girl. If you’re wondering why his porn stars don’t resemble you, here’s the truth behind the habits…
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Reason #1: Some fantasies are best kept fantasies.
I, personally, am a hentai fan. I love watching anime featuring sexy girls and tentacles. (Yes, I’m weird, I know.) But let’s be honest here–would I ever actually want to bang a tentacle monster? Probably not. I’d be too busy running away screaming to be turned on.
Some fantasies are great to act out in real life, but others are absolutely not as enjoyable as they look in porn. Certain things you see in porn can cause serious bodily harm in real life or cause your relationship to suffer.
Guys typically know which fantasies are not realistic or good to act out. Knowing this, they would never pursue girls who do what they see in porn.
Reason #2: Dating a porn star would make most men super insecure.
Porn stars are models because they are hot. They know they are hot and flaunt it. On camera, it’s absoutely hot to them. However, most guys would be too intimidated by a porn star’s looks to actually make a move in real life.
Guys, for the most part, are insecure. Men are rarely ever confident enough to trust women who are as physically attractive as a porn star. They also (understandably) wouldn’t be able to handle seeing how many men would hit on their girlfriends.
Dating a porn star would be a nightmare for most men, and would turn them into emotional wrecks. They would begin to worry about infidelity, not to mention their sexual performance. Eventually, the issues would come to a head and cause a breakup.
Reason #3: Many men don’t feel comfortable doing sex acts with girls they actually love.
The Madonna-Whore Complex is a sexual hangup that makes men see women as either “pure” or “sluts.” Men who have this issue can’t date women who have too much sexual history or who are open to doing certain sex acts. Simply put, they can’t respect them because of their sexuality.
Though men with this common psychological issue can’t respect the girls they see in porn, they absolutely can fantasize about them and sleep with them. This impacts who they hook up with, as well as who they choose to date.
This isn’t a healthy mindset, but it’s common enough to be a major issue in dating today. It also explains the divide between fantasy and reality.
Reason #4: Looks aren’t everything.
Porn does not involve scripts that show a woman’s intelligence, common sense, or caring. It shows them as a sexual personality–that’s it. When guys want a fantasy, they want a concept. Porn is good for a concept.
When guys want a life partner, sexuality is only a small sliver of what they want to see. They want a good heart, they want kindness, they want someone who gets them. They want something deeper for the long term. That’s not what they see in porn.
Reason #5: They want someone who they can introduce to their moms.
It’s no secret that men pick wives they want to have a family with. To have a happy family with a girl, they have to have a girl their parents would approve of. They want someone who is deemed presentable by common social standards.
Unfortunately, we live in a society that polices sexuality pretty heavily. Sexuality is stigmatized, especially with women. Most families would shun a sexpot that was married to a member and most men would never marry someone with that stigma out of fear of what others would say.
It sucks, it’s true, but men care about what others think of their partners. Not many guys would want to date the “town scandal,” so to speak. This is a major reason why men rarely ever pursue relationships with real adult film stars.
Reason #6: It’s just not realistic.
Porn is about a fantasy, and that includes the interactions those girls have with male actors. In porn, everything is all smiles and nothing is off-limits. The girls are there to enact a fantasy–one that is generally shallow and centered around one or two simple dynamics.
The thing about porn is that it has nothing to do with real life. In real life, women have feelings of their own. They have their own wants and needs. They have their own personalities, just like men do. We are all three-dimensional people and have our own quirks. That’s what makes us special.
There’s a reason why people make fun of porn scripts. Porn scripts are notoriously shallow and involve ridiculous situations that would never happen to a typical person. They are not realistic, nor are the people in the clips portrayed in a realistic way.
Unless a guy is seriously divorced from reality, he’ll realize that porn life isn’t anything like real life. Even if he sees a girl performing on screen, he’ll know that the girl (as she’s written in) isn’t real. Real men want real women, not a caricature of what sexy women act like.
Knowing that, most men would never bother dating a girl who behaves like they do in porn. They would pursue the girls who have a personality and have no problem showing it.
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