Bisexuals face a uniquely difficult position in our society, especially when it comes to their stigma. Bisexual men are often derided as “weird” by both straight and gay members of the community. Bisexual women are regularly accused of “faking it for attention,” which leads to an entirely different set of issues.
Worse still, every bisexual person has an even worse stigma involved in their dating lives: disloyalty. This is a stigma that needs to go, like yesterday. It’s a stigma that makes people avoid dating people based on sexuality despite the fact that bisexuals regularly find themselves in happy, healthy marriages.
What Is Bisexual Stigma?
This stigma stems from the fact that bisexual people like both genders, and works with the assumption that sticking to “one gender” will mean the bisexual person will get bored and eventually stray. This leads them to think that bisexuals can’t have a healthy relationship.
Stigma surrounding dating a bisexual person also tends to involve insinuations about a bisexual individual’s mental health. Most commonly, the stigma suggests that the bisexual individual is mentally unstable, unsure of their sexuality, or just looking for attention.
Why Does This Stigma Exist?
Every stigma comes from some outdated, idiotic assumption–and the bisexual dating stigma isn’t any different. When it comes to the stigma of dating a bisexual, this particular belief is rooted in a little insecurity and a lot of stupidity.
People who believe in this stigma do so because they can’t confront their own shortcomings. As a result, they need to find fault with others based on their sexuality.
How Does It Affect Relationships?
There have been plenty of relationships that have been ruined because of negative rumors affecting one member of the couple. If you ask bisexual people if they’ve ever been dumped over their sexuality, chances are you might hear a story or two regarding their own struggles.
Who Does It Affect More?
The jury is still out on this one, but anecdotally, it seems that bisexual women tend to get the worst of it.
Is There Any Truth To The Rumors?
No, no, and no.
Your sexuality has nothing to do with your ability to maintain a healthy relationship, nor is there any evidence that bisexual people will get bored with a single gender. Bisexuality is defined as being attracted to both genders–and attraction isn’t the same as a person’s emotional attention span.
Attraction is not the same as love, just like lust isn’t love. Being attracted to both genders does NOT mean:
- That you absolutely must have sex with both genders on a regular basis. Everyone knows how it feels like to be attracted to a person. It’s a feeling that, while tempting, doesn’t cause us to lose our minds. Attraction, for most of us, is a “take or leave” type of thing. The same is true with bisexual individuals. The vast majority of bisexuals are totally fine without experiencing one gender when they’re ready to settle down.
- That you’re emotionally messed up. This is a common corollary to the rumors about bisexuality, and it has been repeatedly proven to be false. Bisexual people are no more prone to mental illness or problematic relationships than people who are straight.
- That you need to cheat to be happy. This assumption basically suggests that a person can’t handle having sex with a single person for the rest of their life. If heterosexual and gay individuals can stay loyal, so can bisexuals.
- That being attracted to a gender means you automatically develop romantic feelings for them. Believe it or not, it’s possible to be sexually attracted to a gender without being able to get romantic feelings for people of that gender. It’s a form of aromanticism.
- That bisexuality is a big deal. Being bisexual does not mean that you have to treat the person differently, nor does it mean that it should be a dealbreaker in relationships. As long as you respect the fact that they can get sexual feelings for others, it’s great!
Why Bisexuals Can Be Totally Happy In Relationships
The stigma is so laughably wrong, it’s actually impressive that it managed to last so long in our society. What’s actually more interesting, though, is how being bisexual and open about it can improve a hetero relationship.
Consider the following perks of dating a bi guy or a bi gal, and you’ll see what we mean:
- Bisexuals are more open about their sexual side, if they are out of the closet. Being in touch with your sexuality offers a world of good for your love life. People who are open about their sexuality are less likely to have sexual hangups that could result in a dead bedroom.
- People who are openly bisexual are also more likely to be confident. It takes a lot of confidence to be open about one’s sexuality. When you’re dating a bisexual person who is open about their preferences, it’s a sign that they have embraced themselves despite the stigma they face.
- Their experience with both same-sex and hetero relationships gives them a unique perspective on dating. Talking to people of the same sex isn’t the same as dealing with the opposite sex. If you’re dating a bisexual who’s held relationships with both genders, then you’re in luck. Chances are high that they will have better relationship communication skills due to the lessons they learned in past relationships, not to mention a better understanding of relationship dynamics as the opposite sex would see them.
- You might learn something about yourself. You’d be surprised at how many people initially realized they, too, were bisexual after talking to someone of the LGBTQIA community. Even if one half of the couple is straight, you’d be shocked at how much a simple chat with someone who’s experienced bisexuality can teach you about yourself and others around you.
- They are regular people, just like anyone else. There is nothing that inherently different about bisexual people. They still have jobs. They still communicate the same way. They look like anyone you’d see on the street. It’s not like bisexuality involves special treatment; it just is another personality trait just like any other. So, maybe it’s time to stop putting so much weight on one’s sexuality and take a look at the bigger picture.
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