Having sex with kids is like a game of hide and seek. You need to find a place for the two of you to escape so that you can pump your uglies and make some sweet, sweet love. Most parents wait for nap time or bed time, when their kids are asleep so they don’t have to worry about any interruptions, but that’s not always the case. Sometimes mom and dad want a little bit of an afternoon delight, or sometimes the kids wake up in the middle of the night from a scary noise (invest in a squeak free mattress) and sometimes those kids go looking for mommy and daddy. Only problem is, your kid is about to open the door and see their mommy and her hands and knees…. Naked. AH! What are you supposed to do when your kid walks in on you having sex?
My Toddler Walked in On Us…
Well, this one is probably the best case scenario. They’re so young they can’t really process what’s actually happening other than mommy and daddy are both naked. You can go ahead and spin this in a few different directions:
- “Mommy/daddy was giving me a massage!”
- “Daddy was looking inside mommy to check for another baby!”
- “Mommy was just staring at daddy’s belly button!”
- Or, if you want, you can give your kid the sex talk.
Either way, just come up with an excuse and remember to lock the door next time.
My Grade School Kid Walked in On Us….
So your elementary school kid walks in on you, this isn’t going to be fun. They’re still young enough to now really know about sex(maybe) but old enough to process that something really strange is going on and mommy and daddy are touching each other’s private areas.
- At this stage, you might as well give them “the talk.” They’re going to find out about it soon anyways.
- If you’re not quite ready to give them the birds and bees talk, you can always reuse an excuse from the toddler days. Just remember they’re older now and are going to copy you, so make sure they know they can’t grab a classmate’s private areas.
My High Schooler Just Walked In On Us…..
Well, if you’ve made it this long without them walking in on you, you’re either not having a lot of sex, or you’re a ninja who finally slipped up. If they’ve walked in on you several times you need to start locking the doors or timing your sexual escapades better. Let’s face it, this kid knows exactly what’s happening. There’s nothing you can say or do that will make then un-see what they just saw, and there’s nothing you can do to get rid of the embarrassment. Laugh it off, tell them to leave, and if you can, finish up. Talk to them afterwards and tell them to knock next time.
Having your kid walk in on you is awkward no doubt. And no matter what age your kid is when they walk in on you there are several things you two could have done to prevent it from happening:
- LOCK YOUR DOORS! It’s basic sense people.
- Wait until they’re for sure asleep! Can’t start going at it as soon as you put them down. Give it a half hour.
- Do it in a place that is secretive. Can’t do anything if you’re screwing in the kitchen and they want a late night snack.
- Tell them that mommy and daddy are going to have some alone time and not to get you unless it’s an emergency.
- Wait until they’re out of the house.
- Do it in the shower instead. That way it just looks like you’re hugging in the shower.
If your kid does walk in on you, make sure they understand consent and that both of you are willing. Yes, the sex talk is important, but so is talking about consent.
