You’re in the living room, and then you hear it. Some wet splooshing. A grunt. It sounds like something’s going on in the kitchen. Something…sexual. The problem is, you’re here and your partner’s in the kitchen with his friend. What’s going on? Is that bastard cheating on you?
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Before you get your pitchfork and head down a war path, take it easy. There could be another explanation. Though it may seem like a stretch, there are other reasons why sexual sounds can happen. These sexy sounds can be explained away through these commonplace reasons.
Sloshing
We all know what sex sounds like when bodily fluids are involved. There’s some splooshing, or maybe a little bit of slimey noise that happens. We’ve all been there, but truth be told, there’s another explanation that is a lot more mundane than you’d expect it to be. That explanation? Food prep.
Think about it. Have you ever tried to stir mac and cheese, only to hear suspect sounds? Maybe you were busy stuffing a turkey, and heard something slightly wet as you shoved a fistful of bread in there. A lot of wet foods make similar sounds, especially when they are being stirred or prepped.
Grunting
We’ve all heard guys (and some girls) grunt during an orgasm or during a particular sexual move. But, there are plenty of other reasons why someone might elicit a grunt, including:
- Getting a serious workout at the gym. Hitting the weights can make anyone let out a low grunt, especially if you’re pushing yourself hard.
- Trying to fix plumbing or turn a bolt in machinery. There’s a good reason why a lot of blue collar guys make this noise while on the job.
- Having to go #2 and struggling. We’ve all had those kinds of movements. Let’s not be coy about it.
Moaning
Moaning is one of those sexual noises that everyone associates almost exclusively with the deed, but is that really realistic? Not at all. Moaning is a sign of feeling good in a lot of different ways. Anything that gives you a satisfying feeling can elicit an “ohhh!”
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Think about the last time you had real savory cake, or your favorite food served just the way you like it. Didn’t you let out a little moan when you sank your teeth into it? Or, what about the last time you got a professional massage or spine realignment? Didn’t that make you moan, too? We’re willing to bet it did.
Groaning
Groaning isn’t the same as moaning, but they have a lot in common. When you groan, it’s more of an “ughh” sound, often muffled by a pillow during roll in the hay. You know the difference. Though groans are mostly linked with fun stuff, they can also have other explanations.
If you’ve recently come down with a serious fever or ate something you weren’t supposed to, you already know what can cause someone to groan. A little sickness is just as likely a culprit as a little fun time.
Panting
Some people might not go “full porno” when it comes to their sexy sounds. Whether it’s due to shyness or just very thin walls, they tend to pant and breathe heavily instead. Obviously, there are other reasons why people might start panting. These include:
- Finishing up a workout. Everyone who’s run a mile will sound a little ragged, don’t you think? Even a fast yoga workout can make some breathe hard.
- Having an asthma attack. Irregular breathing? Yeah, there may be an unsexy reason why they’re doing that.
- Having a panic attack. Well, this is more hyperventilation, but you get the point.
Talking Dirty
Now, dirty talk can be a little different when it comes to unsexy reasons. That being said, a lot of people start talking foul when they’re playing certain games. The tone, though, might be a little off.
Slurping
In the bedroom, slurping and sucking is a clear indicator of some oral fun. But, much like the squishing noises, these very same sounds can be heard in the kitchen or when someone is enjoying a lollipop.
Hey, you never know.
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