Affairs are walking contradictions if you really think about it. They are a leading cause of breakups, but despite having a third person involved, they almost never culminate in a new relationship after the initial relationship dissolves. Most cheaters end up begging their main squeeze for forgiveness instead.
Even when relationships that start as affairs happen, the chances of the relationship succeeding is woefully small. Think single-digit percentage small. Did you ever wonder why affair-borne relationships always seem to fail, and why cheaters always crawl back? Recently betrayed partners might find this article to be enlightening..
The first major issue is that the fantasy behind the affair ends up dissolving when the relationship becomes serious.
One thing most cheaters don’t realize about affairs is how much the fantasy aspect of it can influence their opinion of a person. Affairs are exciting and sexy because they involve a lot of risque fantasies. When you cheat, you don’t see the unsexy, day-to-day part of your partner. It’s all just the better parts of them.
A real relationship isn’t just the sexy cuts of dinner together or a roll in the sheets. It’s dealing with budgeting issues, seeing your partner break down in tears, and holding their hair while they puke from a stomach bug. When the magic gets ripped away from an affair, most wandering spouses soon realize they dumped the wrong person.
If a divorce or kids were involved, you can also bet that financial problems will turn that relationship sour.
The most common reason for a divorce is money issues, and surprise–divorces sparked by affairs leave most cheaters in a bad situation. When a relationship that’s borne from an affair loses the financial footing it once had due to a stable marriage, things stop being so much fun and breakups happen.
Romantic dinner? Nope. Gotta pay lawyer bills. Night away at a hotel room? Haha, expect that cash to go to alimony. Get the picture?
There’s also the fact that everyone knows.
A stigmatized relationship is not an easy relationship to be in. If you cheat and start a relationship with the other woman, people will know and will react accordingly. People don’t want to be around people who betray others.
In many affairs, the wandering spouse ends up losing friends and family over their actions–and that support never comes back. Don’t be surprised if the shunning element causes serious strain among affairs that turned into official relationships.
Most affair partners honestly aren’t good relationship partners.
People who get into affairs are not exactly the type of people who are great main partners. The fact that they’d fool around with a taken person shows they have no integrity, and in many cases, also signals a degree of maladaption that makes them terrible when things hit the fan.
In most cases, affair partners really don’t want to be in a full-time relationship with a wandering spouse. So, they may end up bailing if they feel strongarmed into it or if they realize they only liked the wandering spouse as a fling.
There’s also the worry about infidelity.
You know what they say. Whatever comes around, goes around. When a relationship starts off as an affair, there’s always that concern of another bout of infidelity. Who’s to say that one partner or the other won’t succumb to another tempting person?
People who cheat once are more likely to do it again, and again, and again. If nothing else, infidelity and jealousy can easily be a main reason for an affair-relationship breakup.
Finally, there’s the fact that most wandering partners eventually realize they gave up the better option.
The truth is that most people who start an affair are aware that they might lose out on someone special, but they rarely realize how much more compatible their original partner is until it’s too late. Studies show that most cheaters are actually happy in their main relationship, and that says something profound
When a cheater leaves their primary relationship, they always end up comparing partners in the back of their mind. They start noticing where the affair partner falls short. They start remembering where their partner really stood out as amazing. And, that starts to eat away at them.
The question of “what if?” is a nagging one for cheaters. Starting a new relationship with an affair partner can satisfy a cheater’s desire to know what would happen if they did, in fact, decide to leave their longtime partner. The thing is, the answer isn’t as awesome as people hope it will be.
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