Cheating and infidelity are one of the significant causes of breakdown in marriages. A high percentage of divorce cases we have are as a result of infidelity from one or both partners.
Dealing with cheating in a marriage is difficult on its own, but it becomes more difficult to deal with when you have kids. This is because you have to decide whether to tell your children of about your spouse’s cheating.
The question of whether or not to tell your children of your spouse’s infidelity in your marriage is a tricky one. Before you make this decision, you need to consider the following:
1. Your kid’s age
There is need to consider your kid’s age before you tell them of the infidelity in your marriage. First, if your children are not of age, you don’t need to tell them of your spouse’s infidelity in the union. This is because your kids will be too young to understand and process the information. Thus, it will make no difference tell them.
On the other hand, if your kids are of an age that is up to maturity, you can inform them of your spouse’s cheating in the marriage. At that age, your kids can process and understand the gravity of the information.
Also, it will prepare them for changes that may likely occur in the light of your spouse’s infidelity. It’s best you open up to your kids when they are off age; this will help you combat the situation and avoid any blames in the future. When you talk to them about your cheating spouse, they can help you confront your spouse and verify your story.
2. Impact in their lives
You need to consider the impact the information will have on your kids before you decide to inform them. Infidelity usually triggers should reactions that may likely lead to a divorce in the long run.
Thus, if your kids will not take the information in good faith, then you don’t need to tell them. Some kids may develop anxiety and depression after hearing that their dad or mom is cheating because they know that it may lead to separation.
If on the other hand, you think the information will not distress your kids, you can go ahead and inform them. Most kids could not process this information and grew to become traumatized by the information. If you feel your kids are fragile and cannot handle such information, it is better you protect them from it until they are capable of handling it.
Things not to do when telling your kids about cheating and infidelity in a relationship:
Do Not Paint Your Partner Bad In Front Of Your Kids
When you are telling your kids about your cheating partner, try as much as possible not to bad mouth your spouse. Don’t create an impression on your kids that their mom or dad is a bad person. Yes, you are feeling hurt and betrayed by your spouse’s action, but try and do the right thing.
Go straight to the point to tell your kids of what happened; also assure them that their father or mom is still a good person despite mistakes. Allow your kids to decide to continue loving your spouse or hate him for what he or she did to you. Don’t brainwash them to take sides with you. Your spouse may still be a good mother or father to the kids despite cheating on you. Be objective when you tell them about the situation.
You don’t have to lie to cover up for your spouse nor buy over their affection when you talk to them. Tell them what you know and allow them to figure out more by themselves. So that when they grow older and see things for themselves, they don’t have to blame you for anything. Telling your kids about a cheating spouse is a big deal, so if you decide to do so, you need to be sure you do it right.
Finally, the decision to tell your kids or not is left to you. But consider the factors outlined here when taking the decision.