You were in love with him from the moment that you laid eyes on him, and he claimed to feel the same way. You two dated for ages, met each other’s families, and even discussed marriage. 40 years ago, this usually meant that you married him and stayed with him forever. These days, things aren’t so simple.
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Let’s say that things did get serious, but didn’t work out. Maybe you got divorced, or just stopped wedding plans from happening altogether. After a couple of tearful exchanges, it became crystal clear that things weren’t going to work. It happens, even with pairings that looked like they were solid AF.
You both split, but as with any major breakup, you might not be the only two involved in the breakup. People are now asking what happened, and if you were close to his family, they might want to know what’s going on. But, is it really of their business? Here’s what you need to know…
Why His Family Might Want To Know What Happened
Believe it or not, the biggest reason why a man’s family might want to know what’s up deals with YOU, not him. More specifically, it’s because of one of these two reasons below:
- They like you, they really like you. When parents ask what happened, it’s mostly because they wanted to keep you around or approved of the relationship. It’s not unusual to hear of families reprimanding men over breaking up with a girl they adored, you know!
- It was a shock. If your breakup was sudden, this is a reason why they might ask. At times, it also could be because they may not be aware of things that transpired.
Your Relationship’s Level: What It Tells You About Disclosure
Some might argue that the breakup’s details are no one’s but yours to discuss, and that family members don’t always have a right to know what happened. Even so, this is up for debate and honestly isn’t the best approach with some families.
A better rule of thumb is to figure out what you should say based on how serious the relationship was. The more serious the relationship was, the more likely it is that an explanation just makes sense for everyone involved.
Why You Probably Should Tell His Family If You’re Divorcing Him
Divorce is a serious subject, especially if you have kids or shared property in the mix. At this point in a relationship, your families are both blended and that means that there will likely be some kind of interaction in the future.
When you’re facing divorce, telling his folks can help you and also give them a good idea of what’s going on. Giving his family a heads up about the divorce can help keep things civil in the long term, but there’s a caveat here. If his family hated you from the get-go, telling them will only make things worse for you.
Should You Tell His Family If You Were Engaged?
If you were about to get married and decided to break things off, there’s definitely going to be a lot of people asking what happened. After all, a broken engagement can come off as a serious shock, especially if you two were heavily involved in planning and partying.
A broken engagement doesn’t happen without reason, and in many cases, it involves a scandal that looks bad on at least one of the two parties. If you’re worried about reputation-related issues, it’s okay to keep mum.
Finances can and probably should play a role in your decision to speak up. Generally speaking, it’s considered to be good form to tell his family why the engagement is being broken off if they helped with the costs of the wedding.
Should You Tell His Family If You Were Dating?
Casual dating doesn’t warrant a phone call to his mom, and that’s fairly obvious for most people. However, there are still several moments where you may want to give an explanation to his parents post-split, even if you weren’t hitched or engaged. These include:
- If you lived with his family for a set amount of time. If you lived with them and they treated you as one of their own, they will be hurt to see you go without warning. Telling them isn’t only polite; it’s only fair. Besides, they may want to keep in contact with you.
- It involved a pregnancy. Should you have gotten pregnant prior to your breakup, they should be able to keep in touch for your child’s sake. After all, your ex will still need to be held accountable for his part in the kid’s life.
- Money was involved. His parents might want to know what’s going on with a financial situation regarding their child.
- Infidelity, self-harm, or abuse was involved. The jury is still out on whether telling parents is a good idea. Many people will note that having parents aware of their son’s bad behavior may help them steer their son in a better direction.
Small Tips On How To Talk About The Breakup
Tact is crucial when it comes to explaining the dirty details to parents. In most cases, they don’t need to know all the details of a breakup. Using these quick tips will give them the details they need to know without going overboard:
- Emphasize that it is not their fault. Some parents feel guilty over their sons’ behavior. Assuage that guilt.
- Keep the dirty details to a minimum. They don’t need to know that you caught him with an escort. They just need to know he cheated. They don’t need to know he has a drug problem you both partook in. They just need to know he needs some help.
- Take some of the blame. If you had a role to play in the breakup, be honest. Parents can tell when a partner is leaving out their role in the relationship’s decline.
Apologize and wish them well. If you want to keep in contact, offer your number to them. It can be a great olive branch to hold.
