Many of the problems that affect married couples and lead to divorce are often linked to parenting. While it is good to have children, the way we manage and interact with them can create a misunderstanding between us and our spouse. The period before we had kids, we worried less about what our spouse did, but now, with the kids around, we are in constant apprehension. We are concerned that any wrong action or decision can affect the kids in the house. This constant worry makes you either the good cop or bad cop. Here is how to deal with this parenting dynamic:
Discuss Decisions Ahead
Sometimes, this parenting dynamics happened because we fail to discuss some matters together with our spouse. We should not leave the work of looking after the kids to one parent only. Talk about the ways to take care of situations in the home and agree together on the best way to follow especially when your kids misbehave.
If There is No Damage, Let It Go
You and your partner are different persons and will often handle things differently. Understand when your spouse creates more problems for the kid and when he tries to keep your child safe. If the child is safe, let the issue go. Your concern should not be on the method used but on the safety of your child.
Give Credit to Your Spouse Methods
Concentrating only on what your spouse does wrong will not help. Try to find out why your spouse treats your kid the way he does. He may want to make the child avoid growing up with some wrong attitude to life, or he may want your kid to explore her potentials. Whatever the aim, try and put yourself in your partner’s shoe. It is possible that both of you have the same goal of preparing your kid for a brighter future.
If there issues to discuss, wait till your kids are asleep or absent in the room. Discuss the matter with your spouse and try to listen to the other’s explanations. Perhaps, both of you will reach a compromise. Every parent wants the best for his kid and approach can differ, so don’t think you are the only good one. Hold discussions each time your kid misbehaves and find the best solution.
However, there certain areas that cannot be compromised such as good grades in school, politeness, watching TV, and use of the internet. Parents must be firm in these areas and let the kids know what is expected of them.
Conversely, there are matters that you and your partner will have an eternal disagreement on. In such cases, agree with each other on a signal to use when an issue like that wants to arise in the presence of your kids. Discuss your differences later in private and let your kids know of your final decision together.
The role communication plays in the family is vital. Fix a family meeting day and have some close discussion with your kids. Talk about the issues that have affected the family in the previous and allow them to share their views and let them listen to yours as well.