Mother-in-laws can be sweet or the opposite. When you get married you try everything you can to, embrace your spouse’s relatives, most of all their parents. Soon enough, you realize that your mother-in-law is playing favorites, its either she has a favorite son or daughter or she has favorite grandchildren.
By and by, you might notice that your mother-in-law keeps on commenting negative things about your children and always comparing them to others. It gets to you when your she buys presents for some and leaves others, especially when they are together. It’s like your kids do not exist, they don’t get calls from grandma wishing them a happy birthday or just to know how they are doing. Here are few steps to take when handling you’re her when she is playing favorite grandchildren.
- Talk to your mother- in-law about the treatment, let her know that you are not comfortable with it. Sometimes they will not notice that they have been hurting your children, however, when you point it out it will bring them to realize that they have been unfair. How do you approach this particular conversation? Mother in laws should be handled with care when dealing with them. Try and explain how this favoritism hurts your kid or kids and they notice it. Show them how this will strain the relationship between your kids and your families too. This is a difficult conversation to introduce, but then it is a must, you verbalize it so that you may be able to solve the crisis. You want to have a conversation which will yield positive results. Center your conversation about the fact that you love your children rather than make it sound like an attack. This should not be a one-way conversation, so when you are at it, try and reason as to why your mother-in-law could be playing favorites. Maybe the other family are not well off and they do this so that they don’t feel left out. In such cases, you could suggest that extra presents can be given when the others are absent to avoid conflict.
- When your child seems to notice that they are being unfairly treated by granny talk to them as well. When children are hurt at a young age, it sticks until they are old and they never forget. Let your children talk about how they feel whenever they notice such a treatment. Let them know that it is not like they have done anything wrong to their grandmother, but they should try to understand her and love her as she is. They should pardon her every time they feel they have been unjustly treated. Explain that their grandmother loves them all equally and it is not about what they get rather what they give. Love is a feeling which cannot be measured by the gifts given or received, but should be from the heart.
- If your talks with your mother-in-law are fruitless the last result is to accept what you have no control over. If the patterns continue, with no changes were seen just accept. Most importantly, teach your children to be grateful for the little they get and not to be bothered by what the others get. Tell them that grandma still loves them as they are and they shouldn’t be concerned much by her behavior. This will ease the tension and the situation whenever it happens. If it is possible to keep your children away from some situations where they will be hurt that could work, though for some time as some situations and occasions cannot be avoided.
When your mother in law plays favorites with daughters in law you need to discuss it with your husband or your wife about it. Who is in a better position to talk to your mother in law better than their own son or daughter. They would not want to be involved, but they already are.
Secondly, try to connect with the rest of your spouse’s siblings. If you are at a family gathering and other family functions always encourage them to engage in open talks and communication. Build a strong bond with the family and this will defeat your mother in law’s divide and conquer rule.
Thirdly, you have always respected your mother in law as you should but this time be truthful and honest about what they are doing. Show them how their favoritism is developing unhealthy relationships among the siblings by dividing them.
Lastly, if your efforts do not pay off you can choose to put some distance between your family. You can switch yourself to a preservation mode. Do distance yourself whenever possible, but when you are together, always treat your mother in law with love.
