So you’ve been dating someone – whether casually or seriously, then you meet someone else, it’s getting serious and now it hits you – ‘oh my goodness! How do I tell him that I’m leaving him for someone else?’ This is a difficult step for women so I thought to discuss that today.
But before you jump to making rash decisions…
First, consider these questions; why did you cheat on your partner in the first place? What problems exists in your relationship and are the problems serious? Is leaving your partner really the best course of action? What are your reasons and are they compelling enough? Is your new partner worth it? This is because there’s no perfect person out there and you don’t want to have regrets a short while later.
MUST READ: The Realities of Dating Someone Well Endowed
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Second, make absolutely sure that you’re not creating a fantasy with your new partner. Are things really going to be different and better? Your evaluation of your new relationship should be more rigorous so that you’re completely certain that you’re not making a mistake. Ensure that you’re thinking through your brain.
Having passed through the first and second stages, it means you’re absolutely sure you want to leave your partner so what’s next?
Every woman’s first thought is “ghost him” or “act out”, why? Guilt! Perhaps the relationship is not that serious, so you feel ghosting is best. Or if it is, then you must think ‘he’s been so sweet to me, I don’t want to break his heart’ so you prefer to act out and frustrate him enough for him to just leave you the hell alone. Too bad! There’s no way you won’t break his heart because the only heart you can’t break is the heart that was never with you or the heart that already left you – if you know what I mean.
Whichever the case, there’s still a way to hurt your partner less. You owe your partner some level of explanation which will range from short straight dismissal to a sit-down conversation aka “the talk” (ouch) depending on the level of commitment involved in that relationship. Obviously, as far as reasons go, it doesn’t matter as much as the fact ‘I’m leaving you’, but it’s still necessary. No one deserves to be ghosted or mistreated and you should never leave your partner guessing or recounting, analyzing and wondering “what did I do wrong?” without a ‘reason’. Trust me, it’s really crushing!
Well, unless you’re crushing him on purpose ;). Okay jokes apart, let’s see three simple steps to say goodbye quickly and effectively.
- Set a date and show up on time – make sure it’s favorable and not clashing with any events.
- Pick a public place – avoid enclosed or private areas.
- Have the breakup conversation (yikes).
As for casual relationships, a text, email or a casual meeting should do.
Also, I have provided two examples on how to have the conversation. I’m not for lying but being diplomatic is better than opening past wounds or making the conversation a lot longer than it needs to be. You’ve already determined to breakup and in your heart you know it’s right so what reason you give shouldn’t stress you as much as the need to respectfully give a reason. Additionally, giving reasons they can’t argue with are better, else, your partner will just keep pleading and this will make you feel worse. So, make out your reasons and write them out. It may also help if you rehearse before the meeting.
These are just inarguable examples which should work for both casual and serious relationships, if well played.
The connection card
For casual dates – “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel a connection”.
For serious relationships – “I’ve been meaning to tell you this for a while but I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. I really like you a lot, you’re like one of the kindest person I’ve ever met and we have a lot of fun, but I just don’t feel that connection and I don’t want to keep stringing this relationship along just hoping that it will happen. I’m really sorry but I can’t be with you anymore. I hope we can still be friends”.
Obviously no one wants to be friends with a girl they like. It’s all or nothing, so you win! There’s even a proper friendship card (which I’ll share next), although it’s a lot meaner because no matter how you put it, no one likes to hear ‘we’re better off as friends’.
The friendship card
For casual dates – “You’re a nice person, funny and considerate but I just don’t feel emotionally attracted to you”.
For serious relationships – “I think that our relationship is more suited as a friendship. We’re great friends and we laugh and care for each other, but there’s no fire or spark. I mean you’re a nice person, funny and considerate, but I don’t feel emotionally attracted to you. I’ve just been infatuated by your personality. I’m really sorry and it breaks my heart to tell you this, but I figured it’s better than taking advantage of your feelings”.
These are matters of the heart therefore, such conversations are incredibly difficult. However, whether they believe you or not, you gave your reasons and they got the message.
What are your thoughts? Did you find this article helpful? Do you have other breakup suggestions or perhaps you disagree? Let’s all rub minds in the comment section below.
