While some women are genuinely trapped and unhappy in relationships with narcissistic men or sociopaths others are making themselves miserable. Since the sociopath and the narcissist are so good at making you feel responsible for your unhappiness, and everything else that goes wrong in the world, sometimes it can be tough to tell whether it is them or you that is the root of the unhappiness. After all, the feeling of being “trapped” is merely a state of the mind, and it is never a reality unless you are physically bound. It is a proven fact that feelings of not being able to leave or of being suffocated are only unconscious fears existing only in the real of your mind.
What if you are one of those lucky women with a great guy?
Self examination and honesty will reveal the sources so that you can get through this misery and on with living. Lets explore a few things that will help you identify and eliminate the underlying causes of your unhappiness.
One common thing that drives women nuts and makes them miserable is jealousy. This goes hand in hand with insecurity. Another is that rage that bubbles up causing nasty argument after nasty argument to emerge from its wake. Many times things are said that cannot be taken back. Once it is out there, it is out there. Life is to short. If you are with someone that drives you nuts then you have to rethink the relationship. Is it you or is it them and can it be fixed?
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Another very common issue with women is that they somehow compromise themselves in light of everything else going on. You clean the house, do the laundry get dinner together and make sure everyone is ready for whatever life is tossing their way, and at the end of the day you are lucky if you can do more than take a quick sgho0wer. You cannot sacrifice so much of yourself for others. This is important. Take the time to get into a bubble bath, read a good book and do not think that the house will not fall down if you take a day off.
Take a date night with that special someone. All too often great relationships fizzle because it gets lost in the mix of life’s daily chores. You have to keep your relationship on the priority list right under yourself, and after you and the relationship should come the children. It is shocking how many people have these top 3 priorities misconceived. When in the proper order all three will thrive. You cannot allow your relationship to become a business arrangement or to be lost altogether.
Never allow yourself to settle. This is not pertaining to just in a mate, but in life, the way that you are treated and even in the way that others respect you. You are the create of your own destiny, for the most part at least. You allow people to treat or mistreat you in certain ways. Only you can set expectations and boundaries. Those worth your time will respect and even appreciate them.
Never give up your dreams for anyone else. Women who do this are more likely to become battered or neglected. Do not allow yourself to become isolated, and encourage long lasting friendships with other women and with your family. It is vital to never allow anyone else to stand between you and these healthy relationships. You never want to lose site of yourself, who you are or who you want to be.
Also, unconscious fears can be rooted very deep, and they can surface presenting themselves as a very real threat. Loneliness an separation is is very commonly seen in these areas of unhappiness within the relationship.
Many times there is a phase of a relationship that comes after a number of years. That fuzzy feeling is long gone, and you settle into a very familiar comfort with one another. Then comes that “somethings missing” feeling. A lack of autonomy comes in to play. This is a fancy way of saying emotionally insecure. This can cause an increasing dependence on your partner, and in many instances it can lead to more unhappiness. It is after all proven that women with independence remain happier in their relationships.
When you have healthy and strong autonomy then you can be alone and be just fine, you are not dealing with the false responsibility of people pleasing or catering to others nor are you fleeing responsible for another persons words or actions. Things roll off much better than they would with an emotionally weak individual, and things aren’t taken as personally. Emotionally stable individuals are great independent decision makers, and they do not compromise their values or opinions easily. This all leads to a stronger, happier and more confident you which in return leads to happier relationships.
Leaving is not always the answer to fixing an unhappy relationship. Sometimes it takes a support system, some self exploration and maybe even counseling on your issues and not focusing so much on the other individuals faults that you do not have to examine your own? A lot of times a bit more assertive Independence is the start to a healthier and happier life, and this includes your relationships. It starts within you.
