We live in a time that’s historically difficult to deal with, at least when it comes to time. Our society now has longer work hours, more chores, and more everything to do than any other generation before us. A lot of us also tend to use “busy” as a reason to break it off, so how can you tell if he’s losing interest or busy?
Men are pretty easy to read. Even the busiest of men will make time for a woman they are deeply interested in. If he claims to be too busy to see you and doesn’t even bother making time, he’s not interested enough to be worth your time.
Today’s dating scene is one of subtleties. It’s increasingly rare to see someone say they’re not into you or just losing interest. Worried that he’s not feeling it anymore? This guide will give you a good idea of what you should watch out for.
Too Busy vs. Too Busy For You
Being busy is a natural state in our world. We’re always torn between our jobs, the crazy amounts of debt we have, as well as the regular buzz of keeping up a regular social life. Even with all that stuff being true, there’s still more time that you can squeeze out—at least, in most cases.
So, how can you tell if a guy is busy, versus too busy for you? It often boils down to the way he acts about it. Let’s explain this further by looking at the differences between each scenario.
He’s Legit Too Busy
Sometimes, it actually can be a matter of being super busy. It happens, most frequently with people who are focusing in on their careers but still want some love. These signs below suggest that he is into you, but just is short on time…
- He still talks to you every day. If a man is interested, he’ll find time to just say hello or give you an update. Heck, even a guy as busy as Kanye West finds time for his Kim, doesn’t he? Your crush isn’t as busy as Kanye, so he really has no excuse.
- You’ve been invited to come along with him or meet up at the places he has to be. This is a big one. If he’s very busy, he might not have much time to schedule around you so he’ll ask you to compromise. That’s okay! Sometimes all a guy can do is ask you to come with him while he’s on the job.
- When you’re feeling alone, he does what he can to schedule some one-on-one time with you. We’re guessing that this is how pop stars and major media moguls have a love life. Either way, the answer is clear. A man who is into you will make time for you, period.
- The job he has is crazy important. If he’s pursuing a Ph.D, working on a crazy music career that’s actually taking off, or stuck on Wall Street, chances are he might legitimately be busy.
He’s Busy Moving On
In most cases, people use the term “busy” as a cop-out for being able to walk away from a girl that they lost interest in. After all, no one wants to be that guy who sits a girl down and says, “So I am not interested in you because XYZ…”
So, how can you figure out if he’s blowing you off? It’s simple. These signs below are pretty clear indicators of what’s going on:
- His texts and calls have gradually shortened. It used to be that he’d talk to you every day. Now it’s every other day. Well, it used to be every other day. Now you’re getting one-sentence replies. That’s not being busy. That’s a guy who’s pulling a slow fade.
- It seems like he has an excuse not to meet up lined up every time. It’s not work, it’s a meeting. It’s not the meeting, oh, it’s his granny…Sound familiar? Yep, he’s not into you.
- Sometimes, he straight up just stops talking to you when you’re supposed to meet, only to apologize later. This isn’t just a sign that he’s checked out of the chance at dating you. It’s a sign that he can’t even respect your time enough to give you a heads up about not being able to make it.
- You are the one bending over backwards for him. If his schedule suddenly became super-rigid and you know you won’t see him unless you move things around in your schedule, he lost interest.
- He’ll hook up, but any talk about official relationship status is not happening. Most of the time, he’ll say he needs more for a relationship. (Hint: He’ll never have enough time, even if his life is a permanent vacation in Boca.)
- There’s a general feeling that you are being put on the backburner. If you feel like you’re no longer a priority, then you probably are right.
What Should You Do If He’s Losing Interest?
The worst thing that you can do with a guy who’s losing interest is to chase after him, make yourself available, and try everything you can to get his attention. This obviously sucks, because your first instinct is to do exactly that. It’s human nature to try to stop someone from breaking up with you, because breakups hurt.
If you’ve ever had a person you’re not into chase you around, you already know why this is a bad idea. It’s awkward, and worse, makes you seem desperate and clingy. This will only push your crush away.
A better alternative is to match his energy and stop talking to him. Let him be the one to reach out instead—even if it means he won’t reach out again.
Why Is Walking Away From A Guy Losing Interest The Smart Thing To Do?
There are a lot of reasons why people are now saying that they’re looking to “match a vibe.” It’s because it works on a number of levels, and we’re not just talking about woo-woo vibes. Here’s why backing away works…
Outta Sight, Outta Mind
The first and most important reason why t works is because getting away from him will start to make YOU lose interest. The less you see him or talk to him, the less you’ll think of him. Eventually, he’ll just be some random loser on the street. This frees you up to meet someone who’s worth your attention.
This is also the reason why going “no contact” works during a breakup. It’s a matter of, out of sight, out of mind.
Your Health Matters
Did you ever notice how hard chasing people who are not interested in you is on your self-esteem? There are few things that can make you question your worth more than being repeatedly rejected after going the extra mile for a group of people.
What’s worse is the fact that most people who do this end up in a cycle where they try harder and harder to get the rejector’s attention. This often turns into a chase that is more about proving to yourself that you’re likeable than actually getting the person to like you.
Obviously, this tends to make your mental health go into a tailspin. For your own sake, it’s better to back away.
Getting Him Interested Again
Most of us have heard the phrase, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” It’s true. Sometimes, guys can’t actually understand what they are losing out on until they see it walk away effortlessly.
It’s a psychological trick that works remarkably well. Humans are wired to assume that high value individuals will not have a problem dropping others. When a guy sees a girl walk away from him without pitching a fit, it makes him pause and wonder why you were able to do that. That, oddly enough, gets guys more curious about you than anything else.
Should You Confront Him If He Lost Interest?
Honestly, this is up to you. Most of the time, confronting a guy and calling him out on his behavior will only make things awkward. It might temporarily work on getting him interested again, but it generally doesn’t do anything good for you.
However, there is something to say about being able to clear the air and actually tell guys what they did wrong. If you’re the type of person who needs closure and wants to make sure that he knows it’s not okay, then go for it. Be forewarned, this usually wrecks any chance of you two getting together.
What Does It Mean If He Says He’s Too Busy For A Relationship?
This is a weird, aggravating little twist on the “too busy” trope that a lot of guys say. With this situation, the guy isn’t busy. In fact, the only thing he’s probably busy doing is pursuing another girl for a relationship or looking for what he thinks is Miss Right.
A guy who gives this excuse is someone who is not looking to commit to you, full stop. Even if you wait for him, the chances of you getting official with him are slim. If you were hoping to convince him that you are relationship material, this is not the way to do it.
With that said, if you’re just looking for a fling, this is a great guy for you. Just don’t expect it to evolve past that.
What Should You Do If He Decides To Come Back?
Let’s say that you walked off, and the next thing you know, you get a text from him saying, “Hey.” You know that text. It’s the text that happens when he realizes that he actually may have missed out on a good girl and he now wants to try to make things better.
If you find yourself in this position, it’s very possible that you might be tempted to give him another try. While it may seem like a good idea, you have to ask yourself these questions before you give it a go:
- Do you really want to be with a guy who couldn’t see your awesomeness from the get-go? What else could he miss out on? It’s clear he didn’t want you enough the first time around.
- Why would you want him when you could get someone who wouldn’t do that to you? There’s plenty of fish in the sea, so don’t settle for low-quality sushi.
- How do you know he won’t lose interest again? His track record for being appreciative of you already sucks. He can swear he won’t do it again, but what good is his word, anyway? He couldn’t even be direct about how he feels and tried to squirm away last time.
- Would that really make you feel better? Don’t get us wrong. We totally understand the feeling of satisfaction that comes with knowing that he knows he messed up. However, it doesn’t usually feel good to stay with someone who didn’t see you as enough at first. It always ends up making you wonder why he didn’t see it at first, if he’s going to do it again, and makes you wonder what made him back away at first.
There are a lot of ways that breakups happen, and sometimes, they don’t always happen with a clear-cut “I’m leaving you.” The truth is, hearing that your love interest is “too busy” for a relationship is generally a cue that tells you that he’s lost interest. It’s a subtle hint that it’s time to get a move-on and find someone new.
While it may hurt when you realize he’s lost interest, it’s important to look at the bright side of things. He’s now shown you that you are not the type of person he would prioritize and you now know that he’s not worth your time. So, while it can be rough to think so, it could be time to start swiping on Tinder to find someone who actually digs you.