There used a time when it was completely unacceptable to date long term, have intimate relations or live together with a partner outside of marriage. Marriage used to stand for something powerful and had more to do with respect, commitment, family and raising children in a stable environment than just love. Marriage was thought to be the only guarantee of exclusivity, and stands as some sort of whip that compels you to deal with issues without walking away.
Sadly, marriage has lost its taste and value and who’s to blame? Let’s back it up to times before the 21st century.
First, society: the pressure to get married was so intense that without anyone telling you to get married, everyone is telling you to get married. Every relationship around you somehow ends up in marriage and you’re left out. All your mates are married and what’s worse? That old lady at the store looks at you and says ‘poor Sandy, still single? Whatever happened to Paul? You girls of nowadays don’t know how to commit a man.’ People were never free to express themselves in relationships – you sneak out of your boyfriend’s house in the early hours of the morning to avoid being seen and God forbid you get pregnant for someone outside marriage – just leave town!
Second, parents: but can we really blame them? They grew up in a time when marital union meant something more than what it means today. Because of this, they mount so much pressure on their kids to get married believing that it is better than letting them live waywardly and worse, contacting sexually transmitted diseases.
Third, religious and spiritual beliefs: many religion forbids certain acts, and for good reasons. However, friendship and relationship should be encouraged because the many do’s and don’ts obstruct the gaining of certain knowledge that may have better informed you against that marriage decision to that certain Mr. Wrong.
For these reasons, every adult of 18 years and above living in those times, had just one goal in mind – marriage. Obviously that’s the reason for more divorces a year than we can count because everyone is getting married for the wrong reasons and more and more people are getting sick, miserable and depressed with each passing day – and don’t get me started on children that are products of bad relationships.
Thankfully, times have changed.
Nowadays, more and people are defying marriage as an end goal for every relationship. As a matter of fact, the U.S census done since 2012 reports that of all adult relationships, unmarried couples living together exceeds 53% – that’s a lot! Daily, people continue to prove that they don’t need parental consent in these decisions and that relationship growth, bond and love should come first before the thoughts of marriage.
While many wayward acts (which should be frowned at), have been accepted in today’s society, it is simply a byproduct of the revolt against societal pressures. However, with the level of sexual education and awareness, coupled with several materials on thriving relationships, as well as family planning, some of these problems are fading.
Now, am I against marriage? Absolutely not! I’m actually happily married but I wouldn’t impose marriage on everyone (including those who need to attain certain level of maturity before delving into such commitment) because believe it or not, we must learn to respect and accept other people’s choices.
During the course my life, I’ve seen different people from different backgrounds who want different things and not everyone is for the forever ‘rollercoaster’, especially those who may have been hurt. More so, some people may not want to get married immediately – they want to first achieve career goals and personal development, perhaps attain certain heights but what’s to say they can’t enjoy a committed relationship in the meantime. Some people just want happiness, a stable relationship, commitment, you know? The simple things. Also, people – until they’re absolutely sure – may prefer a short-term situation that permits them to walk away as at when they please since marriage presumes lifelong commitment and exclusivity (and they wouldn’t want to share that with the wrong person).
So what’s my resolve? – Nay! Marriage should not be the end goal of every relationship otherwise I should’ve married all the men I ever dated since grade school. Relationships present an opportunity for growth, personal discovery and development, and may also teach you some life lessons.
Marriage is beautiful, when done right, with the right person and at the right time. Any other arrangement to the contrary will end in a divorce. Therefore, relationship goals should always be defined. There are many ways to discover what your partner thinks about the relationship – long term. Better still, just explicitly define it from the start and make sure that love, commitment, growth and stability are primary goals with marriage being secondary. Bottom line: make sure you’re happy. And if you eventually do get married – congratulations!
