When it comes to partying, there are few types of fetes quite as intimidating as a party where you know people are going for the sole purpose of getting laid. Sex parties are, for many of us, the final frontier of partying. It’s a type of party that pushes many to the limits, forces us to confront insecurities, and also offers a different type of thrill than most.
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That being said, sex parties are fairly risky. If you don’t know what you’re doing, you could get kicked out, find yourself in a risky coupling, or worse, have a serious problem with others by the morning. Knowing how to handle yourself is crucial to keeping yourself safe, sane, and invited.
The rules of a sex party might be generally written down, but there are still a lot of things people just don’t say. These 10 things below are must-know tidbits, even if no one says them out in the open.
Consent is key.
If you don’t say yes to what’s going on, it’s not a party. It’s sexual assault. At sex parties, saying “yes” is not enough. Consent isn’t getting badgered repeatedly until you relent, begrudgingly agreeing to things, or otherwise just passively taking it. If you’re not 100% into it, you’re not consenting.
Consent means saying yes, ethusiastically, to everything that’s going on, including kinky things like slapping and butt stuff. But, there’s more to consent than just that alone, too. What many people don’t realize is that you can also revoke consent mid-coitus.
It’s okay to tell people if you are feeling forced.
Sex parties are no joke and if you’re at one that’s anywhere near decent, people take consent seriously. If someone won’t leave you alone, speak up. Party throwers want and need to know these things so predators won’t get in and to ensure the safety of partygoers.
Due to the nature of sex parties, predatory types tend to get attracted to them. Most of them bank on the chance that people will be too coy to speak up. If no one speaks up about their behavior, they get away with it. You can’t let that happen.
Not all sex parties have closed doors.
If you were thinking that sex parties involve standard “closed door” rooms where people can copulate in private, think again. If you’re shy, it’s a good idea to find out the layout before you go in.
Depending on where the sex party is, you could see an open floor layout. That being said, if the party is being held at a sex club in a major city, you should expect a couple of private rooms as well as a locker room where you can get changed.
You really should talk about birth control and sex health.
Though we want to believe everyone is on the same page about sex at a sex party, the truth is we aren’t. You can’t assume everyone has a clean bill of health, or that everyone will use a condom before you play. If you don’t sit down and talk things out, you’re playing Russian Roulette with your genitalia.
It might not be sexy, but a smart sex session always starts with a chat. It’s totally reasonable to ask when someone got tested, to ask for a condom, and to ask about a person’s unique boundaries in bed.
There are also different types of sex parties.
You also can’t assume that all sex parties are alike. There are swinger swaps, strip parties, gangbangs…And each party type will have different rules on how people go about things as well as different gender ratios. Choose wisely!
Depending on which party you choose, you may or may not be able to attend based on your relationship status or gender. If you aren’t sure what the policy is, ask ahead of time.
Being naked is surprisingly casual after a while.
I know, I know, it sounds weird, but it’s totally true! This is more of a shocker than you’d expect it to be the first couple of times around, and it’s something that people might need to brace themselves for.
Society makes us feel a bit weird for being naked around other people, but when everyone else is naked around you, it stops feeling so strange. Don’t get shy about it. You’d be surprised at how impressively easy it becomes to walk around.
You might want to bring a robe.
A lot of parties are totally cool with people walking around stark naked, but even at those venues, it’s not always the best decision. Body fluids get places, seats are cold, and people get gawk-y. If you want to play on the safe side, I strongly suggest getting a robe.
Lightweight, spa-style robes are great for easy on/off moments and also keep you warm in slightly cooler rooms.
Avoid couple drama.
This seems like an obvious thing to say, but hear me out. It’s worth repeating. Just because a couple is at a sex club doesn’t mean that they are emotionally capable of handling what’s inside the club itself. A surprising number of people try sex parties as a last-ditch effort to save an ailing marriage.
If you notice a couple that looks tenser than usual or if you notice on partner acting reticent, it’s often best to avoid sleeping with that couple. The drama is never worth it.
Don’t use and bang at the same time.
Sex parties are wild on their own. There’s a lot of nakedness, deviance, and crazy stuff going on. Random sex is risky, and the truth is that there’s a lot of things you have to keep in mind in order to ensure your own personal safety–not to mention the safety of others.
It’s a good idea to make sure that you do what you can to have your safety and sexytimes in the future bode well for you. You know what doesn’t bode well for your time at a sex party? Drugs and alcohol.
Seriously. While it sounds glamorous to get blitzed at a sex party, the truth couldn’t be more different. People get kicked out over their drunken antics. You get a reputation for being sleazy if you’re too messed up. I can’t name how many times I’ve seen people lose their ability to perform due to drug use.
Oh, did I mention that you can’t consent to sex if you aren’t sober? Yeah, that too.
Bring your own condoms, just in case.
Most sex parties have a nice stash of condoms that you can use, but at times, it’s not enough. You might have a latex allergy and need sheepskin. You might want a little extra fun, like a glow-in-the-dark one. Either way, condom stashes can run short and it will be up to you to supply something that works. Grab some before you go.
