Oral sex is one of the many aspects of dating where inequality is at play. Men often expect oral sex from their partners, but a large percentage of guys are not interested in reciprocation. Sometimes, it’s because they just don’t get turned on and are selfish lovers. Other times, it’s because they have hangups about giving women oral.
A surprising number of men will confess that they’re interested in giving oral, but are scared to do so. So, what gives? What kind of hangups could a guy have that would possibly wreck his ability to enjoy himself while pleasing a woman? Here are some of the more common hangups guys can have over it.
“It’s gay.”
One of the most common reasons why guys avoid giving oral is rooted in homophobia. In many cultures, giving a woman oral sex is seen as submissive, gay, or unmanly. Guys who come from these cultures might be raised to think that oral sex is a man-only treat, or get shamed when they admit to cunnilingus.
This hangup is one that is deeply toxic to men, and also can cause him to have other sexual issues as well. If you hear a guy say something like this, it might be better to break up with him in favor of a man who has a healthier outlook on gender.
“What if she’s not clean down there?”
As much as it sucks to say this, a scarily high amount of men had oral sex sessions that put them off from cunnilingus for a long time. Having an ex who didn’t smell good or clean herself well can be traumatizing, especially if the guy was browbeat into giving her oral sex.
The best way to override this issue is to show him that you’re clean down there. Eat foods that can make your vagina taste and smell better. Show him that you maintin yourself. In most cases, guys will come around eventually.
“I don’t want to submit to a girl.”
Cunnilingus has a very submissive vibe to it in the eyes of many men, and if they buy into toxic masculinity, they might see that as a bad thing. Beliefs rooted in toxic masculinity will encourage men to act “dominant” in bed, even if that’s not what their fantasy is.
Sadly, there’s nothing you can really do to pull a guy out of that mindset. This might just mean that you’re going to need to find someone else.
“I’m afraid she’ll get her period while I’m down there.”
Okay, we can kind of understand this concern. It’s valid. Going down there and finding some “red sauce” would make most people gag. It also can be a potential biohazard, too. However, Aunt Flo only drops by once a month.
If a girl keeps track of her period and knows when she’s due, this really shouldn’t be an issue. Even if she doesn’t chart it, she’ll probably know when she’s about to have her Shark Week happen. If more guys understood this, the world would be a lot better.
“It’s gross.”
Believe it or not, some men are just plain turned off by the idea of giving a woman oral sex. It doesn’t necessarily have to be due to a hangup or due to some bad experience. Just like some people don’t find backrubs sexy, others might not be into oral sex.
If a guy isn’t into it, he’s not into it. There’s not much you can do to change his mind, nor should you try to argue the fact. After all, you don’t like being pressured into things you don’t like doing, do you?
“I’m afraid that she won’t like it.”
Another reason why guys might be reticent to go down on a girl is their own sexual insecurities. Men, much more so than women, pride themselvees on being great in bed. If a guy doesn’t feel confident in his skills, it’s possible he’ll avoid going down on you out of fear of being criticized.
When this is the case, the best way to handle it is to lead him through your reaction. Encouraging him to do anything down there will help him overcome his performance anxiety and even get him to like it. As long as you’re upbeat and give him great feedback, you should expect him to improve.
“I just don’t feel comfortable with any type of sex.”
One of the final hangups that can impede your cunnilingus from coming around is an overall feeling of shame from sex. Men who were raised in extremely religious households tend to feel shame when dealing with any kind of sexual encounter outside of marriage.
They are often taught that sex is wrong, disgusting, or shameful. Men, just like women, can internalize those messages. As a result, they can be averse to any type of sex. If this is the case with your partner, the only thing that can really make this hangup go away is therapy.
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