Are you going into an open marriage and you are wondering what your folks would say about it? It’s your life, and you owe no one an explanation on how you want to go about it. However, your girlfriends are some of the closest persons in your life, and you have to let them in because they genuinely care about you.
In this informative piece, we are going to take you through how to handle the reaction from your family and friend when they figure out that you are about going into an open marriage.
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Going Into an Open Marriage, Really?
As exciting as it may sound, open marriage is still new to many people in relationships today. You may get confused if you are trying it out for the first time because the experience can be as weird as it is thrilling. Just like any other relationship, open marriage has its own rules, which should be clearly defined between partners.
Does that scare you? Of course, it should. Since anything can make or break a relationship these days, you don’t have to be afraid to propose it. Sometimes what you think will cause breakup may be what will save your relationship. So, you will never find out unless you try.
Finding the courage to discuss the matter with your partner may not be an easy thing. If you are thinking of going into an open relationship soon, here are some essential things you need to keep in mind about the new life you are about to go into.
Understand the Difference between Open Relationships and Polyamory
The first thing you need to do is to be clear about what you think is lacking in the current relationship. This will provide you with a specific target in mind and help you decide whether you need multiple sex partners and one partner, which is what open relationship is all about.
You may also want to choose to have a more profound emotional attachment with numerous partners, and that makes you prefer polyamory. The blend of the two open relationships is a monogamish relationship which allows you to hook up with some girls without dating any of them.
You must be convinced about your decision to embrace an open marriage before you try to convince your friends. Are you ready for such a low level of commitment? Is it what you really need for yourself? Sometimes we are pushed by emotions to make decisions that are not appropriate and would go ahead to harm us in the long run.
We can only bank on our friends and family to steer us away from such level of destruction. So, if you think you are on the right course when you opt for an open marriage, you have to be convincing enough.
Think Beyond the Immediate Benefits
The thoughts of enjoying sexual relationship with multiple partners can be so exciting that it blinds you to the reality of what you are going into. You have to think critically about the new turn your relationship is about to take and decide if that is what you really want.
You may love the idea of having someone new, but how do you think your partner will feel about it? Or how would you feel if your partner did the same thing while you watch? Would you feel jealous, or do you think you can tolerate it?
You have no way of knowing how your partner would react unless you make the first move. Consider how they will feel, the good and bad aspects of an open relationship, and what your benefits will be.
You may be pushed by the freedom and lesser worries that comes with going into an open marriage, but you should think about what happens in let’s say, 5 to 10 years when the euphoria of freedom may have worn out, and you are left with reality.
These are the points your friends will pitch against you so you should be ready to provide them with a compelling reason why they are not necessary at the moment.
If you have thought all these through and wish to go ahead with an open marriage, then it won’t be difficult to convince your girlfriends.
Know When to Come Out
Find a better way of bringing up the issue to your partner. Don’t use the surprise strategy because that may end up in disaster if you do.
Wait for the right time, especially when you feel your partner can best be approached. People think differently, and you never know if your partner prefers sexual exclusivity.
Consider their feelings as you let them know what you have been thinking for a while. Your good intention can go wrong if you do it the wrong way, and you know what that means.
Expect a Reaction from Your Partner
No matter how long you lived with your partner, you cannot predict how they will react in every situation. You cannot say that you are sure they are going to accept your decision without some reaction. Their response may be shocking, and you start wondering if you really know your partner well.
The important thing is not to expect the discussion to be an easy one as both of you may have different perspectives to what a relationship entails. Your partner is human, and the thought of sharing you with other partners may make them sad.
Expectations and Boundaries Should be Clear
Your partner may not have anything against being in an open relationship, but that is not the end of discussion. The two of you need to talk about what you expect from the open relationship and what your boundaries will be.
For instance, you may decide whether or not to share your experience with multiple partners. Some girls are not just interested to hear about your past, and it is better you keep some things to yourself and not force them on others. You need to decide which of your multiple is interested before you dump things on them.
Communicate Your Emotions
You never know what you are going to meet along the way even when you spend time with your partner discussing the details of an open marriage. The truth is that you can get a bit jealous when your partner gets luckier with their choice of partners and you can boast of only one. Regular text messages and frequent calls can make you jealous or upset if not adequately handled. Talk through the issues that may arise in the process of the changes in your relationship.
If your partner understands enough, you will have no hard time trying to put things in their perspective. You must let your partner know how you feel about commitment and polygamous relationships and why you need the break out from the usual norm.
Play Safe
You have to be conscious of your sexual health and safety in the relationship you choose to enter. Whether it is a committed monogamous relationship or having multiple partners, you run the risks of having STIs or unwanted pregnancies in the long run.
Some polyamorous communities make it a rule for partners to share their health status to get accepted into the group. Therefore, putting someone else’s sexual health at risk isn’t a good idea.
Get Ready to Put in Much Emotional Work
Going into an open relationship does not absolve you from any emotional commitment. In fact, you will have much work to do to satisfy your partners emotionally and physically. Talk with your partner about your moving expectations and set boundaries where necessary. Allowing selfishness in one partner will undermine the purpose of an open relationship.
As in a monogamous marriage, being generous to your partner is the only way to keep the relationship moving forward. Act mature and let your partner know that you feel the same way they do.
Don’t Force Your Decision on Your Partner
The idea of a non-monogamous relationship may not thrill your partner the same way. If your spouse does not like the idea and prefers to retain the structure of your current relationship, it is wrong to try to force them to accept your decision.
That should not make you call them names or think they are old-fashion in their thinking. You have the right to decide what to do, and your partner has the right to accept or reject anything they do not like. You are doing what you feel is best for the relationship, so taking it personally may snuff the life out of your plans even before it began. Try not to be judgmental about your partner’s response to the idea of an open relationship.
Wrapping It Up
The decision to go into an open marriage is all yours, but people close to you may question it, and you should be ready to face them when the time comes. It’s your call to make yourself happy, and no other person will steer your life for you.
Go ahead and make yourself happy without any regret, but be sure you are genuinely satisfied with yourself.
